How to Be An Internet Grown-Up

I work with young people. And I'm the official 20-something of the church office staff. Ergo... everybody asks me about social media! You know, the Tweeters and BookFace and all that stuff the young'uns are doing these days. Lolz. Except to be fair, no one actually asks me questions like that. ;) As it turns out, more and more adults are getting on social media all the time!

But still, I'm a bit more fluent than the average 60 year old; no judgment, it's just how the generation gap rolls. So I still do get a lot of questions... and hey, since you asked, I have some opinions!

(Just fyi, I'm not hold back any punches today... get your helmet on! Ready? Okay, let's do this.)

This is the main thing I would like to cry from the rooftops: if you're a grown up, be a grown-up! Yes, you can be young at heart, you can still have fun in life, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. etc. I love fun... just ask my friends! I'm a youth minister, for crying out loud! But if you're going to be a role model for young people - and I promise, you probably are - and you're going to be online - which, if you're reading this, you clearly are - then be a role model.

(By the way, this really applies to all of your behaviors, not just in the social media world (see 2 Maccabees 6:18-31 and Matthew 18:6). But we'll stick to the interwebs for now.)

I'm quite tired of seeing adults post complaints, gossip, and all sorts of other immaturity on Facebook and Twitter. We have a responsibility to our youth, and I'm just not going to stand around while we tank it. There is sooooooooo much emotional immaturity in the world... why are we encouraging it??

Think about it this way. If you were giving a kid drugs, that would be really unhealthy and bad (that's like Grown-Up 101). So why is it okay to teach them to be emotionally unhealthy?

And don't say that it's because you're trying to "relate" to them. Again, note the drugs example. (Feel free to bop yourself in the forehead at this point and say "duh.")

So, no matter what religion you practice or don't practice, no matter whether you're 25 or 75, I think it's time to quit it. Not just for our own sakes (which would be reason enough!) but for our youth. Because if we don't want them to grow up to be like us, that's a problem (read that again, think it through). Yes? Who's with me?

...to start acting like an adult online! (Because there had to be a cliche Uncle Sam poster involved.)

And just in case you're on board with me... I've composed a nifty pledge you can take, to help the war effort! (The war against internet awfulness!) It goes like this:

The Internet Grown-Up Club Pledge

As a member of the supposedly more mature part of humanity, I recognize that I have a responsibility to the young people around me. I therefore make the following pledge:

1. I will not use social media in order to gossip, complain, or stir up scandal. 

(Please note, there is a difference between sharing an opinion and complaining. Sharing your opinion and actually using your critical thinking skills = awesome. We need more real thinkers in the world today. Whining and being annoying, however... no.)

2. I will not post anything online that would lead a young person astray. (This includes pictures.) If someone else tags me in something that would lead a young person to believe that inappropriate or dangerous behavior is acceptable, I will untag myself. I will kindly but firmly ask the person who posted such a status/picture/etc. to delete it. And then I will make an effort to not do such behaviors again in real life.

3. I will not use the internet for my own emotional problems. Instead, I will take serious matters to a friend, family member, counselor, priest, and/or God.

4. I will not post online for attention. I will fill my emotional needs with healthy, family/friend relationships.

5. I refuse to subtweet.

(Subtweeting means that you post about a particular person or issue, but you try to make it vague and general. Usually, everyone still knows that you're talking about someone specific... and they usually know who it is. For instance: "Teenage parents need to take responsibility for their actions; life isn't all fun and games anymore." Or, "Ex-husbands need to remember that their ex-wives still have feelings." In those statements, I'm pretty sure that you're talking about someone specific, right?? Be honest.)

5a. I will not post something online in order to "fix" another person. If I find myself about to post a link, status, etc., that is specifically meant for one person to see, in order that they will change their behavior, I will stop myself and not go through with it.

5b. I will not post something on the internet to berate or bully another person.

(Yes, adults can be cyberbullies, too.)

5c. If I have a complaint about a specific person, organization, etc., I will communicate this concern through the proper channels.
(For instance: I have seen people post complaints online about our parish, when a simple phone call to the office would have cleared the whole issue up. It's usually a genuine miscommunication or misunderstanding. If you post about it online, then you've spread that miscommunication, not to mention lots of negativity and drama, to more people!)

6. Before I put something online, I will ask myself: "If the whole world saw this, would I be okay with it?"

7. If I have violated any of the above, I will delete those posts/pictures/links/quotes/etc.

8. I will not live in the online world more than I live in the real world. I will not post every single thing I do via social media.

9. If I can't seem to stop myself from these behaviors, I will take a break from social media until I can!

I, __________, hereby pledge to stop making the internet ridiculously unhealthy, petty, and immature. By my presence, I will make the online world a more constructive, joyful, good, healthy place to be.

A couple of notes:

1) This is not an exhaustive list of immature/just plain bad online behavior. It's just a few things that I've noticed. (Let me know if there's something else you think I should add!)

2) Younger people, not yet adults, can also join on this bandwagon of internet maturity... why not? The more you can avoid having emotional issues, the better and happier you will be!

3) Don't actually make a room full of people stand up and pledge this. (Then I would feel bad about making you all go through a super-cheesy ritual.) Just make the decision within yourself (and maybe with some friends!) that you're going to be an awesome, emotionally mature, role-model worthy adult.

"No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.... All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ." -Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 

"Don't Mess Up"

Ever since catechetics classes in college (CCC - pun totally intended), I've been intrigued by the idea of "the question behind the question." For instance, when someone asks, "Why can't women become priests?" they may actually be asking, "Why does the Catholic Church think I have less brains then men?" When you hear "Why won't the Church allow same-sex marriage?" the real question might be, "Why would you think God hates my best friend/brother/mom?" Etc., etc., etc. It's always a good idea to not just pay attention to the words you hear, but think about what might be motivating those words. Don't just address the question at face value; go deeper, and address the heart of the matter at hand. #goodpastoralprinciples #catecheticsforthewin

I've recently been thinking about this idea of a deeper meaning behind our words. I work in a church office, which is... uh... interesting! Amazing, fantastic, a blessing... but I will be the first to say, we are quite normal, with our own personal sins and flaws. One of those awful realities that we fall into in the Church, as sinners, is *drumroll for the awfulness*... gossip.

"Why didn't so-and-so understand that she had to ___ (jump through x, y, and z hoop)? Now she ____ (sin worthy of the Antichrist)!"

"So-and-so forgot to ____ (task so dumb that a dog could do it)! I asked her if she knew what she was doing, and she said she did, so I just believed her... then we all had to cover for her!"

"I can't believe they were late with their paperwork AGAIN! No one ever looks at the deadlines, no matter how many times I remind them."

Believe me, I'm guilty of this sort of complaining myself. But I've been thinking recently... what do these complaining, gossipy statements actually saying? What's the message behind the message?

"If you mess up, everyone will hear about it and complain about you behind your back. So don't mess up."

"If you're not perfect, we don't want to deal with you."

"My deadline is the most important thing in your life... why can't you see that?"

I'm not advocating that we encourage bad habits and irresponsibility, or that we can't stick to the rules when need be, or that we have to become human doormats. That's swinging over to the other extreme. But in a Church based on the mercy and redemption coming from Jesus Christ, what are we actually communicating to others? On a basic human level, if we're afraid of the judgment of our brothers and sisters in Christ, how much trust can we really have in each other? How much of a real relationship is actually possible? Do we have each others' backs, or do we lash out behind their backs?

I'll be honest... I started coming to this conclusion in the moments when I'm the one who messed up. I realize the value of being gracious to people, mostly because I'm in need of grace. And it's gone both ways for me... the vast majority of the time, I'm given way more generosity and leniency than I deserve. On the other hand, there are those times I've heard whispers in the halls (and loud declarations, as well!), and it makes me more conscious of my own speech. Would I always be okay with people overhearing my conversations? Do I really need to emphasize another person's mistake, so that everyone realizes that "they" did it, and that I'm perfectly innocent, responsible, and that I have my act together? (Because let's just get real... anyone who's been in my office and seen my desk knows that I don't have it all together!) Would it really be that hard to move on without making that snide comment, rolling my eyes, or otherwise drawing attention to another person's flaws? What if I spread grace, joy and peace wherever I went, instead? I'm guessing that's what Our Lady did!

I've seen people get disheartened over the fact that the Church is made up of sinners, and I'm not trying to do that here. Instead, I just want to encourage you all that when it comes to fallen humanity, there is hope (hey-o, Advent)! Things don't have to be like they are. Christ came to redeem every part of us, including our relationships. Today, let's allow him to do that.