"Don't Mess Up"

Ever since catechetics classes in college (CCC - pun totally intended), I've been intrigued by the idea of "the question behind the question." For instance, when someone asks, "Why can't women become priests?" they may actually be asking, "Why does the Catholic Church think I have less brains then men?" When you hear "Why won't the Church allow same-sex marriage?" the real question might be, "Why would you think God hates my best friend/brother/mom?" Etc., etc., etc. It's always a good idea to not just pay attention to the words you hear, but think about what might be motivating those words. Don't just address the question at face value; go deeper, and address the heart of the matter at hand. #goodpastoralprinciples #catecheticsforthewin

I've recently been thinking about this idea of a deeper meaning behind our words. I work in a church office, which is... uh... interesting! Amazing, fantastic, a blessing... but I will be the first to say, we are quite normal, with our own personal sins and flaws. One of those awful realities that we fall into in the Church, as sinners, is *drumroll for the awfulness*... gossip.

"Why didn't so-and-so understand that she had to ___ (jump through x, y, and z hoop)? Now she ____ (sin worthy of the Antichrist)!"

"So-and-so forgot to ____ (task so dumb that a dog could do it)! I asked her if she knew what she was doing, and she said she did, so I just believed her... then we all had to cover for her!"

"I can't believe they were late with their paperwork AGAIN! No one ever looks at the deadlines, no matter how many times I remind them."

Believe me, I'm guilty of this sort of complaining myself. But I've been thinking recently... what do these complaining, gossipy statements actually saying? What's the message behind the message?

"If you mess up, everyone will hear about it and complain about you behind your back. So don't mess up."

"If you're not perfect, we don't want to deal with you."

"My deadline is the most important thing in your life... why can't you see that?"

I'm not advocating that we encourage bad habits and irresponsibility, or that we can't stick to the rules when need be, or that we have to become human doormats. That's swinging over to the other extreme. But in a Church based on the mercy and redemption coming from Jesus Christ, what are we actually communicating to others? On a basic human level, if we're afraid of the judgment of our brothers and sisters in Christ, how much trust can we really have in each other? How much of a real relationship is actually possible? Do we have each others' backs, or do we lash out behind their backs?

I'll be honest... I started coming to this conclusion in the moments when I'm the one who messed up. I realize the value of being gracious to people, mostly because I'm in need of grace. And it's gone both ways for me... the vast majority of the time, I'm given way more generosity and leniency than I deserve. On the other hand, there are those times I've heard whispers in the halls (and loud declarations, as well!), and it makes me more conscious of my own speech. Would I always be okay with people overhearing my conversations? Do I really need to emphasize another person's mistake, so that everyone realizes that "they" did it, and that I'm perfectly innocent, responsible, and that I have my act together? (Because let's just get real... anyone who's been in my office and seen my desk knows that I don't have it all together!) Would it really be that hard to move on without making that snide comment, rolling my eyes, or otherwise drawing attention to another person's flaws? What if I spread grace, joy and peace wherever I went, instead? I'm guessing that's what Our Lady did!

I've seen people get disheartened over the fact that the Church is made up of sinners, and I'm not trying to do that here. Instead, I just want to encourage you all that when it comes to fallen humanity, there is hope (hey-o, Advent)! Things don't have to be like they are. Christ came to redeem every part of us, including our relationships. Today, let's allow him to do that.

What Are We: Titanium or Glass?*

So yesterday, I was listening to this:

And then a little while later, I was listening to this:

Then I started thinking.

Fact: Dwight memes always help to illustrate the point.

Personally, I am not titanium! I'm not bulletproof, I do have things to lose... so please, don't fire away!

I'm much, much more like glass. Not that I'm a wimp, or that I can't be tough when I need to be. But my heart is fragile; it may shatter. I'm human! While we're all made to have a beautiful strength of soul, filled with God's grace, we are also weak, frail and vulnerable at times. We need each other - and that is a good thing. Can you imagine how prideful and cold our world would be if we were all truly self-sufficient and unbreakable? We would become isolated, turned in on ourselves, wrapped up in own little worlds. And that would be the opposite of love.

Even though it seems kind of backwards, it actually takes a certain amount of strength to admit weakness. It requires courage to take an honest look at yourself! Who benefits when we pretend to be titanium? No one, really. When you say that you're so strong that no one can hurt you, that you don't need anyone or anything, it's denying reality. Who benefits when you deny reality? Certainly not you! It's like going swimming in a lake of alligators, pretending that you're made of steel. Do you really think you're going to win out?

(I think that so many of the problems in our culture, by the way, come about when we don't live our lives according to reality. Contrary to popular belief, we don't decide our own reality! When we turn a blind eye to the way the world really is - and the way our hearts are actually, truly made - we're not doing ourselves a favor. At least, that's how a lot of my own problems happen! But that's a topic for another day.)

Still, the whole "titanium" thing is a tempting prospect, right? If I can play it off like I'm invincible, like whatever you do won't hurt me, then I have the upper hand (supposedly). If I protect my heart from you, you can't hurt me (or so we tell ourselves).

But as the commonly quoted C.S. Lewis said in The Four Loves:

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

He goes on:

"I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God's will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness. It is like hiding the talent in a napkin and for much the same reason.... Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness."

And then:

"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."

When all is said and done, our model is a God who didn't protect His heart (or His mother's) from being pierced. We have a God who wept, who looked with compassion on others, who knew how to be vulnerable and truly to love:

And if our God didn't feel the need to be titanium, why should we?


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*I feel like there are a lot of caveats that need to be made with this topic. I'm not justifying that you stay in emotionally unhealthy relationships, that you be a doormat to abuse, etc. If you need to get out of a bad situation, or if you need healing from something in the past, don't be afraid to seek out help! Call up your local church - you can meet with a priest who can advise you further. They should also have a list of good Christian counselors in your area. If it's a situation that requires civil authorities (you or someone else you know is in danger), don't be afraid to call your local police station. We are not made to be titanium, so it's okay to stop pretending that you're fine, if you're not.

The "Waste" of Love

I love to read! Unfortunately, I have this problem: I keep beginning books, reading them partway, and never finishing them! One girl in our youth ministry program has taken it upon herself to hold me accountable and rid me of this tendency (which really is so amusing and endearing to me!). However, she might as well give up, because once you get into the range of "reading" 15+ books at the same time, there is probably no return. (On the other hand, no one is a lost cause in Christ, so perhaps there is hope for me still.)

Yet obviously I'm not actually reading them all simultaneously (although that would be a funny sight!). I'm just reading halves and quarters and three-quarters of various books, then getting distracted by other books. At the moment though, I'm quite proud of myself! I'm focusing on two books right now, and the payoff has been enormous. They're rocking my socks - actually, they're rocking my soul.

The first is the Fr. Michael Gaitley book on the Trinity that I keep referencing. The other one is about my favorite saint of all time:

Reading this one has been a long time coming - basically, since I found out that it was published (as I say this, though, I'm consulting the front of the book. It says copyright 2012... it must just feel like a long time, when there's a book out there about your favorite saint from one of your favorite writers that you haven't read yet!).

Sometimes, I can get to the point of thinking that no one is going to have a fresh insight on Therese; since everyone seems to love her and relate to her so much, there are a plethora of books on her. Then you've got to sift through the authors who really do know her life, her spirituality, her writings, etc., versus the people who think they get her, but totally miss the mark (it usually comes in the form of trying to push their own agendas onto her, such as, "she had a repressed desire to be a priest - oh what a sexist, sexist Church!"). However, I knew that it would be different with Sheen! So when I saw a paperback version in the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception bookstore in D.C. a couple of weeks ago, I had to snatch it up! My entire "justification" for buying it is that I've only seen it in hardcover so far, which is more expensive (just roll with it...).

As a total and complete side note, you know that you have a fabulous spiritual friend when you both go into said bookstore, buy 4-5 books each, can't wait to show each other... and 3 of them are the exact same books. Two of which, of course, are this St. Therese book and the Fr. Gaitley book (and the third being a Scriptural rosary book). Win!

At any rate, back to business! The way that Fulton Sheen puts things - anything, really - is so wonderful and good for my soul! That's an understatement, really (if you need convincing, I can refer you to a Sheen-loving friend of mine). And with this book, it's no different. You really should just read it for yourself; but just for fun, here are a couple of things he said that particularly spoke to me during my holy hour tonight:

"After all, the reason we are tired in body is because we are already tired in mind. We have no love. The fires have gone out. We are cinders, burnt out cinders floating in the immensity of space and time. And here is a young girl. It is almost as if she is locked up in a gilded cage, absolutely straining at the leash in order to become a missionary. Why? Simply because she loved!"

Also:

"You'll fall in love. Then you'll discipline yourself. Then you'll be full of zeal. Then when the Lord's work is to be done, you'll do it. And when we're not in love, we're tired, and we're exhausted. Because she was full of love, the particular action that appealed to her was that of the soldier and the missionary. This is the new vision of sanctity. It needs to be revived in our day."

How true!! I think about the times that I am most exhausted - in a negative sense, the sense of being burned out - and I realize how little I am praying, how little I am loving! On the other hand, we have the saints. They spend themselves totally for God's sake, pour themselves out for Him - yet they want more!

"You read this book to receive strength, but then when you have received it, you'll have to spend it. As you waste your life, then you'll become richer and richer in the Kingdom of God."

Which reminds me... less than one week until Lent! It's a good time to start thinking and praying about what God wants you to do during this time, if you haven't already (personally, I'm a slacker/procrastinator, so I can always use a reminder, myself!).

At any rate, I hear St. Therese and Fulton Sheen calling to me: pray! "Waste" your time with Jesus, and you won't feel so exhausted. And spend yourself in service to others. "Waste" your time on them, for no reason other than love!

The antidote to burning out? It's the beautiful "waste" of love.

God in Three Persons, Blessed Trinity

I mentioned yesterday that I'm reading Fr. Michael Gaitley's new book, The 'One Thing' Is Three: How the Most Holy Trinity Explains Everything. SO GOOD. So. Good. Beauty! Glory! Wisdom! Ahhhh... mmmm. (contented sigh).

So far, he's doing a brilliant job of bringing the reader a little closer into the mystery of the Trinity. Fr. Gaitley is simply blowing me away with his ability to teach theology in understandable terms, while still elevating the soul into a place of wonder and awe and gratitude at the immense beauty and love of God. The Trinity is something we often tend to shy away from speaking about, or even trying to think about. The whole 3-in-1 thing can kind of give us a headache, you know?

But as several of my professors drilled into my head in college (and as Fr. Gaitley points out), "mystery" doesn't mean that it's totally off-limits to us. Sure, it cannot be fully and totally understood, but we are still able to know something of it. As I'm reading this book, I can't help but be amazed at how understanding just a few things about the Trinity has the possibility to be completely life-changing. This isn't just some pie-in-the-sky theology with fancy words that no normal person can understand, as Fr. Gaitley himself describes... it has a very real bearing on our spiritual lives, on our relationship with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and with each other as well.

I realized this very early on in the book, when I reached this passage:
  
"In our heart of hearts, what do we long for above all else? Love. We all want to love and to be loved. Specifically, we long for the communion of love. Look around - our culture makes it so obvious. Almost every song on the radio is about love (or a counterfeit of love). So much of what people say, do, and wear is really just an effort to be lovable, attractive, and accepted. Indeed, we hunger to be in communion with others and seek it out in so many forms, be they good or bad. For instance, we seek it in friendship, family, Facebook, fantasy, or fornication. With desire, we may run to these things while with fright, we run away from what seem to be the alternatives (loneliness and alienation).
        
"Given our situation of being communion addicts, God is the perfect fit! He himself fits the hole in our hearts, for we pine for the communion of love, and God himself is the Communion of Love. We've often heard the 'good news' that Jesus died for our sins - thank God and amen! But perhaps we haven't yet come to realize the good news that's just as good, namely, that God is Trinity. Put differently, he's the Communion of Love that we long for." 

More to come on this beautiful, central truth of our faith!

By the way, you should listen to this new song by Audrey Assad... I'm trying to figure out a way to describe it, but the best I can do is that it will resonate with you, if your soul has ever been wounded by beauty or love (in a good way): http://soundcloud.com/levvmusic

Sleep Well

I'm currently listening to a beautiful talk by Fr. Thomas Richter entitled "Trust in the Lord." I'm only about halfway through, but I wanted to share (paraphrasing) a brief story that he told:

There once was a little four year old who couldn't sleep. He was so weighed down by the world - he wondered, how would I pay the bills? How would I pay the mortgage? How would I earn enough money to be able to eat - to provide for my family? The four year old tossed and turned, tossed and turned, and had only restless, uneasy sleep all night.

The next day, on the monkey bars at school, some of his friends noticed that he wasn't acting like himself. They asked him, "Johnny, what's the matter? You look kind of tired and worn out." He replied, "I couldn't sleep last night. I was worrying about how I would pay the mortgage... how I would provide for myself and for my family... how I would pay all the bills..." 

His friends looked at him, confused. One of them said, "Johnny, I don't worry about all that stuff. My daddy takes care of it for me."

Just as it is ridiculous for a four year old to worry about the mortgage, it is absurd for us to think that we are all alone in our struggles. We don't become more independent as we become holier, says Fr. Richter; we become more dependent, more childlike and trusting on our heavenly Father.

"If you had a magic wand, what would you get rid of in your life? That right there is the holiest place in your life - potentially - if you learn how to trust in the Lord, and let Him do what you can't." -Fr. Thomas Richter

We don't have to worry quite so much... our Daddy is taking care of us.

Beauty and the "Being Incomprehensible to Himself"

My aunt and uncle recently took my family to see a theatrical production of "Beauty and the Beast" in Cleveland. I love theater, especially musical theater; I also love my family, so I had a ball! My family used to call me "Belle" all the time, due to my tendency to walk around the house with a book. I never did run into anything, like my parents thought I would...

Like the typical movie-turned-musical, or vice-versa, the musical theater version of "Beauty and the Beast" has songs that are not in the movie. For instance, this little gem popped up on my iPod today:

As I munched on my breakfast, I pondered this song, and the musical as a whole. When I saw it a few weeks ago, I flippantly asked my sister, "Why does the Beast have to be loved in return? Not fair, that's not his fault if she doesn't!" But today, it dawned on me: I'm looking at this as a cold, scientific equation. Beast loves Belle + Belle loves Beast = happy day for Beast and servants! (This is odd, because I am not the scientific/mathematical type... but anyway.)

But it's not about an equation - it's about the transformational power of love. Bam.

Although I'm sure I knew this on some level, it was kind of a revelation to me. The Beast truly is beastly, inside and out, because he does not know how to love and be loved. As he learns to love Belle, and as she loves him back, something amazing happens in his heart, which is then reflected in his exterior appearance as the spell is finally broken (as I contemplate it now, it's kind of sacramental. But I won't get into that now... anyway...).

Shocker: Blessed John Paul II totally breaks this down. Something like this:

"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it." (Redemptor Hominis 10)

The Beast is so beastly because he is lacking the main thing that humanizes us, the image of God Himself: love. And this appears to be a two-way street. Like JPII says, there's something about having love "revealed" to us, about the "encounter," that we need if we are to be truly human. Otherwise, he is "a being that is incomprehensible for himself" - a beast. But notice that JPII describes love in reciprocal terms. You can't reveal something to yourself, or encounter your own love - you need a person who loves you.

Of course the Beast cannot force Belle to love him. But how can he "participate intimately" in love, unless there is someone to participate with?

And if there isn't, he will remain forever [cue dramatic voice]... a Beast. A being whose "life is senseless"... until Belle comes along and gives him the opportunity for a total transformation of heart! Ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm getting goosebumps!

Caveats on this whole thing (I'm a catechist, so I have to throw these out there): of course as Catholics, we don't believe that we need to find human romance in order to fill the void in our hearts - we can only be fully satisfied by God. Yet, we are made for communion with each other, and self-sacrificial love. But we also believe in priestly and religious vocations, which incorporate this need in a different way! Also, neither I or JPII are nixing "love your enemies" - we love people who don't love us back, but we do have a real human need to be loved back by someone.

At any rate, I'm really enjoying reflecting on this - it's all still a little foggy in my head, though, so I'd love to hear your ideas, too! Why does Belle have to love the Beast in return... do you have a deeper insight (or any other thoughts about "Beauty and the Beast," or fairy tales, or the transformational power of love)? Am I looking too deeply into this? Somehow, I don't think G.K. Chesterton would think so, according to this essay he wrote (I love it, particularly about the "arbitrary" fairy tale rules... and I think he may have some insights for my questions, what do you think?): http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/introduction/gkchesterton.html

"No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore, if I can't love her
No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free
But it's not to be
If I can't love her
Let the world be done with me."

And oh, side note: in the musical version, the servants-turned-household-items discuss why it was indeed fair for them to be changed from into non-humans as well. They decide that they were partially responsible for allowing their Master to be such a selfish brat, essentially enabling him. I was intrigued - I had never thought about that before!