"It was not because you are more numerous than all the peoples that the Lord set his heart on you and chose you; for you are really the smallest of all peoples. It was because the Lord loved you and because of his fidelity..." -Deuteronomy 7:7-8
Today, I started working out. For reals this time. Because I have accountability now... shoot.
I kid, I kid... it's actually kind of awesome! One of the core team members for our youth ministry is one of those super healthy fitness-type people, and she wants to start up an exercise group as a ministry in our parish. (Can I just say how cool our core team is? And how much I love hanging out with them, just doing random things as friends?) It's really sweet, she's putting a lot of thought into it, and I really hope it gets approved by our pastor/parish council...
But in the meantime, she's getting me going. And it kicked my butt today.
No, really. Like, I'm a freaking wimp.
I'll spare you the details, like how I needed to lie down in the middle of the football field at one point, to prevent puking/fainting. Actually, I guess that was basically all the details... anyway. Yes, I am only in my 20's. But it's cool. Just like everything else in my life, it'll make a great story for a youth ministry talk someday, right? Perseverance, running the race, strength in our weaknesses, humility, etc. It's chock-full of spiritually significant themes. This is the plus side of working in ministry: you can take practically every random thing that's ever happened to you, and make it mean something! Sometimes we stretch it, I'll admit. But this one is actually pretty good!
This list is my favorite thing today. Hands down.
I think that's all. Basically, I'm just kind of excited to conquer something. So yeah, I'll just keep that in mind the next time I feel like death (aka Saturday).
As I sat in Mass today listening to the Gospel reading, I was struck by how quiet the death of John the Baptist was. One would have thought that he would go out with a little more of a bang. Fireworks, or a New Orleans-style funeral procession... or at least an epic, dramatic death at the hands of a large, angry mob or something! After all, even Jesus said there was no greater man born of woman (Matthew 11:11). Mary got a glorious Assumption - how come John gets gypped? (I understand that Mary was sinless... but come on, John was still holy and awesome!). Think about it: you're hanging out in your prison cell, thinking the ministry is going pretty well. Sure, you're in prison. But your disciples had recently come to visit, reassuring you that Jesus was the Messiah (Luke 7:18-23). Plus, Herod likes to listen to you preach once in a while (Mark 6:20) - maybe you're making ground and he'll have a conversion soon! Then all of a sudden, a prison guard comes in and says, "Come with me." He takes you out of your cell, down the hallway, out into the back courtyard of the prison... and chops your head off. The end.
Seriously?! All the stuff that he did and saw throughout his life... then at the whims of a few stupid, petty royal people, it's all over?
I wonder what John was thinking as he was about to die. Personally, I would have wondered what the heck was going on - and how come my death seemed so pointless, when there was still so much work to be done for the Kingdom! Something tells me that John was used to radically trusting God a lot more than most of us (locusts for lunch, anyone?); yet, I wonder what he was praying during those moments. To be honest, I think my pride would have been rebelling like crazy; but we know that John the Baptist was an amazingly humble guy (John 3:30; Matthew 3:11, 14), so I'm sure he accepted it much better than I would.
It just floors me that the life of someone who experienced so many amazing miracles and signs, starting before he was even born (literally), slipped out of this world with so little notice. It stuns me; but it's beautiful. It got me thinking about Therese, my favorite saint (this isn't unusual. Let's be honest: everything relates to her, somehow!). Particularly, it made me think of a novena prayer I've been offering up lately. I'll let it speak for itself: "St. Therese, model of the hidden life, I thank you for showing us that great deeds, miracles and ecstasies are not necessary for sanctity. I thank you for choosing to walk in your little way, which is possible for everyone to follow. My life is often monotonous, tedious and filled with commonplace duties. But I know that I can take these everyday tasks and with them build a beautiful life worthy of God's favor. I therefore offer to God each day of my life, with all the simple duties it may contain. I do not ask for extraordinary work to do or great deeds to perform; I only ask that I may do the work God has given me to do, be it ever so ordinary, in the spirit in which you went about the quiet life of the convent. Ask, O Little Flower, that God may accept this offering of my heart and bless it with his approval. Obtain for me that I might do ordinary things with an extraordinary love, and that I may do whatever God asks me solely because I love him and because I am doing it for him."
St. John the Baptist and St. Therese, pray for us. One of you was hidden in a prison, the other in a convent; both of you lived deep within the heart of Christ. Teach us how to be humble, to be hidden, to avoid being showy; to love God more than the praise of others, to do our work for him alone; to have a radical trust in his love and his plan, even when it doesn't make sense. And Jesus, through this quiet way of life, help us to bring others to you.
We interrupt this series on being "set apart" to minister to those in ministry...
By which I mean, I'm going to share a few links that have recently given me a lot of comfort/wisdom/inspiration/peace lately. Basically, they help make it better, and they're not ice cream (because sometimes, you run out of ice cream):
"Forgetting the 99" - Because yep, that one bad thing that happens sometimes makes us forget to rejoice in the fruits.
Funny how it works... I make more time for people, and there is less time to blog! Not that I was doing much of it anyway, right? ;)
At any rate, it's time to catch you all up on what's been going on in my brain! Here are some things that have struck me over the last 10 days or so, in no particular order:
1) I discovered this address of Bl. John Paul II to the young people of New Zealand in 1986. So often, we (or maybe just I) automatically think of high school students whenever we talk about young people, youth ministry, etc. That's why I was surprised to learn, via some of my college classes, that World Youth Days were originally more for young adults - 20 somethings - than for teenagers! To this day, if I remember correctly, it's more of an American phenomenon to bring high school kids. At any rate, that's the perspective I was coming from while reading this particular address, although it wasn't give at a WYD. My Papa is talking to me! And in a much simpler style than I remember him using (maybe I just have read too many encyclicals, Love and Responsibility, etc., and not enough of his talks!). But, for lack of a better way to give high praise... it's awesome! He says things like "There is no place for selfishness – and no place for fear!" and "Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice." Bam.
2) Danielle Rose came out with a new album! Okay, seriously... I've been waiting (slightly impatiently). One of the songs jumped out at me right away, and it's still giving me food for thought and prayer, so I'll probably dedicate a full post to telling you about it. But for now, suffice it to say that the album is called "Culture of Life." The culture of life... one of my favorite things!! Now Audrey Assad just needs to come out with her new album, and I'll be happy.
3) Speaking of music, I took some teens to Winter Jam this past Friday night. It was crazy - we didn't get back until a little after 2am! Cue my worried voice: "Uh, guys, call your parents and let them know we're just leaving Cincinnati... I can talk to them and let them know that we're really seriously going to be back that late... that you're telling them the truth... yeah." The teens kept wondering, half joking and half serious, whether they'll be pulled over by the cops for curfew once we got back to church and they had to drive home. But luckily, no one got in trouble and we all survived in one piece (although I think that sleep will be forever lost!). Either way, I've been listening to this song ever since I heard TobyMac perform it at the concert. I think it's a beautiful testimony to the humility we're all called to have: in ministry, but in every other part of our lives, as well. Basically, it's not about us; it's all about Him! "If You want to steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go..."
I like to blast it in my car whilst driving down the freeway. Sometimes, you just need loud music, right? It makes me feel young. You can laugh all you want at that! But when you're either spending your time with teenagers (and you have to be the responsible one) or with the 60 year olds in the office (where you're trying to prove that you're a grown-up too), it feels good to be 23. Turn it up!!
4) Realistic vs. unrealistic expectations. Now, expectations aren't really a fun concept to dwell on, but sometimes it has to come up. What I'm about to say may sound jaded, but please don't take it that way: I'm learning, once again, that you can't put all your stock in a couple of people. It's not really fair to people to put too much pressure on them, either as volunteers or as friends. Even if they're not feeling overburdened, it's not a healthy move (in leadership or in your personal life) to assume that people always understand what you're trying to get across, always read your emails, have the same priorities as you, etc. Not cool, Robert Frost! (See my post with the kid president video, if you don't understand this reference... your life is slightly deprived if you haven't watched that video yet!). Now like I said, I'm not jaded. I think it's a positive realization! It's freeing to see reality as it is, vs. how I'm trying to create it. I'm not talking about having low expectations (because then people won't aim for awesomeness), but about being realistic. I'm thinking of it as calling others on to greatness, but not insanity!
5) Slightly related, but different: it's been several months now, but off and on I've been reflecting on the concept of being gracious to others. I feel like there's kind of a cool, stealthy ninja art to helping others not to feel too badly about their weaknesses, taking it upon yourself to kind of secretly deal with the ramifications, not complaining about it to others, not even casually bringing it up in conversation, putting just a little extra work in to avoid drawing attention to them, etc. Actually, I'm slightly relieved to remember that if we are gracious with others, we can also expect God to be gracious and merciful to us (check out Monday's Gospel reading)! Jesus knows that I need Him to take that approach with me, personally! I'm slightly biased, as usual, but I think St. Therese was just the greatest at this! Yes, it's true: she is my cool, stealthy ninja saint inspiration. Of course, there are always some things that we can't cover up, and can't be gracious about... we simply have to confront certain issues. However, even beyond the bigger things, there are the little mistakes and pin-pricks of every day.
7) I pulled out an old journal tonight to find something specific. But in looking for it, I found something that I haven't thought about for quite a while: some reflections that I had after reading A Severe Mercy. I read it over Christmas break my senior year, when I was about to go into my last semester at Franciscan, and wrote:
"Much of what I've experienced and thought about today can be put in terms of 'severe mercy,' like C.S. Lewis spoke of in Sheldon Vanauken's book. A severe mercy - not words that you'd necessarily put together at first. But I think I've realized what a strong, ardent, passionate, stop-at-nothing love that that bespeaks. Lord, You know how jealous and selfish I can be, and so everything You do in my life is to draw me closer to You. Everything. A severe mercy. 'I come to cast fire on the earth; and would that it were already kindled!' (Luke 12:49). 'If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it.' (Luke 9:23-24). 'Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.' (Luke 5:4). A severe mercy... a fierce love. I feel and see it so clearly in the Gospels, and in my own life. It's burning, purifying. And yet, not demanding, in a mean kind of way. Still patient and gentle - it's even the stronger for that, even the fiercer, for it is much stronger in patience and gentleness with me than I am with myself! Severe, but it is tender enough to melt my heart.
"So thank You... thank You for this love that will stop at nothing to completely win my heart. You pull me away from people and places I love, even as You orchestrated the events in the author's life, and in the Apostles' lives, etc.... You detach me, because You know that I will hold back, that I won't go all-out in following Your plans, that I cling to fear and self-pity..."
Jesus, over two years later, I still want to say it: thank You for stopping at nothing to completely win my heart.
Until next time, dear readers! Pax. By the way, pray for our high school retreat this weekend!
For me, there are days where nothing really triggers it. Life is going along fine, and SMACK... I'm hit with a sense of my own unworthiness, and God's amazing love and mercy and I-don't-even-know-what that allows me, somehow, to work for Him.
I don't think this is bad. I really, really am nervous about being a hypocrite, a Pharisee, someone with a millstone tied around my neck and thrown into the sea. Moments like this remind me that, if I let him, God's grace will keep me from this. He'll surround me with a sea of unfathomable mercy, if I keep having these moments of weakness. Because his power is perfect in my weakness.
Lord, if I'm going to help others know and love you, help me love and know you.
