Saturday = Mercy Day

Today is Saturday! (I specialize in stating the obvious.) You know what Saturday means, for Catholics? There are lots of priests in lots of churches, sitting in confessionals, waiting to mediate God's mercy and love to us. Jesus is waiting for us, this very afternoon!

So, I've been reading Sober Intoxication of the Spirit by Fr. Raniero Cantalamessa, who serves as preacher to the papal household (he also spoke at Franciscan University the year I graduated! Check it out here). This book is really wonderful! I highly recommend it. I'll be honest, though: I opened it up today, saw that the next chapter was titled "Repent, and You Will Receive the Gift of the Holy Spirit," and thought to myself: "Shoot. If I read this, I'm going to have to go to Confession. Dang it."

Luckily, the Holy Spirit was poking my heart (how irritating, right?), so I read it anyway. And I'm so glad for that little divine push, because it was incredible! (You probably figured that out, because otherwise I wouldn't be writing this at the moment.) Soooooo, in case you are also needing a little push out the door and toward Jesus' mercy today, I'd just like to share a few passages with you that struck me in particular; maybe the HS would like to use them on your heart, too:

"The real metanoia, that is, change, occurs when we abandon our way of thinking and receive God's way of thinking, when we put aside, our judgment and take on God's judgment. This is where the leap occurs. To repent means to take a running leap into the abyss of God's judgment! His judgments, says one of the psalms, 'are like the great deep' (Psalm 36:6)."

At this point, you may be like, YIKES! Um, I don't want to take a "running leap into the abyss of God's judgment! That sounds crazy and scary and bad!" But he continues on:

"When this happens, a person begins to see his or her life and sins from within God's heart, and then things change. Seen in the light of the immense love of the Father, sin appears for what it truly is: a betrayal of His immense love, 'crucifying again the Son of God and... holding him up to contempt' (see Hebrews 6:6)."

When we see through God's eyes, all of our sins are seen against the backdrop of the Father's "immense love" for us, and how we've rejected His heart. We are not taking a "running leap" into an angry judgment, but one that will purify us, wash us "white as snow," and bring us back into the loving arms of Jesus Christ.

"How could I get free? I was immediately aware that I could not destroy [my sin] by my will because it was precisely there - in my will. A new love was born in me for the blood of Christ then..."

As the song goes, "What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus."

This judgment is truly a part of His divine mercy. It is a gift to us. And on top of that, another beautiful thing: repentance is our gift to Him:

"God's omnipotence is not enough to make a contrite heart. He can make the heavens and the earth, but He cannot, by Himself, make a contrite and humble heart. 'The one who created you without your consent will not save you without your consent!' Augustine said. He needs our free wills!"

"'A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise!' (see Psalm 51:17). God surely does not despise a broken and contrite heart, because for Him that is the precious pearl, the hidden treasure. Do you want to give God a gift? The best gift there is? One that would fill Him with joy? Let Him find a contrite heart within you!"

"To offer this gift to God is not hard. Let us present ourselves to Him during a moment of profound meditation and say to Him, 'Lord, I don't know myself; I don't know what my responsibilities are, what my real sins are or even to what point I failed concerning the unity of your body. No one knows what my part is in all this, neither friends nor enemies. There is only one in the whole universe who knows the truth about me, and it is you, Lord. You are righteous in your words and in your judgments. I accept your judgment about me!'"

"And so let us thank the Lord. Let us say with Micah: 'What God is as great as You who forgives sins? You have created the heavens and the earth; You have done great things, but nothing as great as this: You cast our sins into the depths of the sea (see Micah 7:18-19)."

"Yes, Lord, what God is like you? We thank you for Christ who, on the cross, has destroyed our sin! We thank you because you have drawn all men to Him. We thank you because you now pour out on Jerusalem, on your people, a mighty stream of grace and consolation. Amen."

Little (and Loving it)

So... super excited about this!

#understatement

We have a Papa! I feel like I can just be a little girl again, because he's going to take care of me. Yay! I'm especially excited to start soaking up everything that he tells us (probably more intentionally than I ever did with Benedict. I feel like I'm in an endless game of catch-up with all the riches that he gave the Church... but in a good way!). 

Today, I got to pondering all of this awesome Pope-ness, and a couple of things dawned on me. So often, I can only see my mistakes, my failures, my weaknesses, my sins. While it's not easy for anyone, I think there can be an extra level of torment present when you're involved in a ministry. Not only do I do things to screw up my own life, and those of my family and friends; I also am potentially mis-directing and failing to reach an entire population (large or small) who are desperately in need of Jesus.

Oy.

But before you start wallowing along with me, here is the beautiful, joyful reality of the matter: we are too little to mess up God's plans! A good friend of mine was visiting over the weekend, and we had a super blessed conversation about this (one of those fabulous, God-is-definitely-speaking-to-me-through-you conversations, if you know what I mean). The bottom line is that yes, I screw things up. But God can handle that! I'm absurd, and putting waaaayyyy too much importance on myself, if I think that I can singlehandedly wreck the plans of the Alpha and the Omega. Therefore, if I don't use the exact perfect analogy in a teaching, young people can still love Jesus! If I leave a room too messy and someone is (justifiably) unhappy with me, they aren't going to leave the Church. If I talk too fast and don't make sense 100% of the time, the entire volunteer team is not going to quit on me. And even when my sins abound, his grace abounds all the more (see Romans 5:20).

I just have to smile when I realize how little I am. I really shouldn't worry so much!

I'm learning from the best!

I'm not trying to justify my dumb mistakes, poor decisions, or the times I give in to temptation. It's all stuff I need to work on - and areas where I need to let the Holy Spirit work on me. I also do think that we can drive people from Christ, if we are not reflecting him, particularly those of us who take on certain roles in the Church (I seem to recall a Scripture verse about a millstone being tied around my neck??). The clergy abuse scandals, unfortunately, are the first thing that come to the minds of some people when they hear the words "Catholic Church." I get that.

However... if God calls you to something, he knows what he's about. He knows you - sins, failings, and all! And he already had that built into the plan. Not because he wants us to screw up, but because he's bigger than that. Just take some of those not-so-holy popes from our history: even though God wanted them to be holy and awesome, of course, he was still able to protect the Church and keep us rooted in the truth when they flopped. Even when the captains were corrupt, they didn't sink the ship!

So while we're talking about all this, we should definitely pray for Pope Francis. I get freaked out by the responsibility of being a youth minister in a small parish; but it kinda puts it all in perspective, when I realize that I'm not in charge of the universal Church, you know? But on the bright side, even Blessed Pope John XXIII used to tell Jesus at night, "It's your Church, Lord... I'm going to bed!" Pope Francis is a child of God too, with a fabulous heavenly Father to watch over him and take care of him. He's also allowed to be little!

So whether it's your job, your ministry, your relationships, etc., do the best you can on the human end of things. Don't make excuses, don't slack - put in a full day's work. But then entrust it to our heavenly Papa, whose grace will do the rest. Be at ease! We are simply not big enough to screw up everything and everyone, permanently (we do think in those extremes sometimes, don't we?). Let's not give ourselves so much credit! Jesus can handle it.

O blood and water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in You.

My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear? I answered, "O Lord, You know why." And He said, Why? "This work frightens me. You know I am incapable of carrying it out..."


Do not fear; I will not leave you alone. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that. The Lord looked on me with great kindness; I thought I would die for joy under that gaze.

-excerpted from the Diary of St. Faustina

(paragraph 881)

Catching Up...

Funny how it works... I make more time for people, and there is less time to blog! Not that I was doing much of it anyway, right? ;)

At any rate, it's time to catch you all up on what's been going on in my brain! Here are some things that have struck me over the last 10 days or so, in no particular order:

1) I discovered this address of Bl. John Paul II to the young people of New Zealand in 1986. So often, we (or maybe just I) automatically think of high school students whenever we talk about young people, youth ministry, etc. That's why I was surprised to learn, via some of my college classes, that World Youth Days were originally more for young adults - 20 somethings - than for teenagers! To this day, if I remember correctly, it's more of an American phenomenon to bring high school kids. At any rate, that's the perspective I was coming from while reading this particular address, although it wasn't give at a WYD. My Papa is talking to me! And in a much simpler style than I remember him using (maybe I just have read too many encyclicals, Love and Responsibility, etc., and not enough of his talks!). But, for lack of a better way to give high praise... it's awesome! He says things like "There is no place for selfishness – and no place for fear!" and "Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice." Bam.

2) Danielle Rose came out with a new album! Okay, seriously... I've been waiting (slightly impatiently). One of the songs jumped out at me right away, and it's still giving me food for thought and prayer, so I'll probably dedicate a full post to telling you about it. But for now, suffice it to say that the album is called "Culture of Life." The culture of life... one of my favorite things!! Now Audrey Assad just needs to come out with her new album, and I'll be happy. 

3) Speaking of music, I took some teens to Winter Jam this past Friday night. It was crazy - we didn't get back until a little after 2am! Cue my worried voice: "Uh, guys, call your parents and let them know we're just leaving Cincinnati... I can talk to them and let them know that we're really seriously going to be back that late... that you're telling them the truth... yeah." The teens kept wondering, half joking and half serious, whether they'll be pulled over by the cops for curfew once we got back to church and they had to drive home. But luckily, no one got in trouble and we all survived in one piece (although I think that sleep will be forever lost!). Either way, I've been listening to this song ever since I heard TobyMac perform it at the concert. I think it's a beautiful testimony to the humility we're all called to have: in ministry, but in every other part of our lives, as well. Basically, it's not about us; it's all about Him! "If You want to steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go..."

I like to blast it in my car whilst driving down the freeway. Sometimes, you just need loud music, right? It makes me feel young. You can laugh all you want at that! But when you're either spending your time with teenagers (and you have to be the responsible one) or with the 60 year olds in the office (where you're trying to prove that you're a grown-up too), it feels good to be 23. Turn it up!!

4) Realistic vs. unrealistic expectations. Now, expectations aren't really a fun concept to dwell on, but sometimes it has to come up. What I'm about to say may sound jaded, but please don't take it that way: I'm learning, once again, that you can't put all your stock in a couple of people. It's not really fair to people to put too much pressure on them, either as volunteers or as friends. Even if they're not feeling overburdened, it's not a healthy move (in leadership or in your personal life) to assume that people always understand what you're trying to get across, always read your emails, have the same priorities as you, etc. Not cool, Robert Frost! (See my post with the kid president video, if you don't understand this reference... your life is slightly deprived if you haven't watched that video yet!). Now like I said, I'm not jaded. I think it's a positive realization! It's freeing to see reality as it is, vs. how I'm trying to create it. I'm not talking about having low expectations (because then people won't aim for awesomeness), but about being realistic. I'm thinking of it as calling others on to greatness, but not insanity!

5) Slightly related, but different: it's been several months now, but off and on I've been reflecting on the concept of being gracious to others. I feel like there's kind of a cool, stealthy ninja art to helping others not to feel too badly about their weaknesses, taking it upon yourself to kind of secretly deal with the ramifications, not complaining about it to others, not even casually bringing it up in conversation, putting just a little extra work in to avoid drawing attention to them, etc. Actually, I'm slightly relieved to remember that if we are gracious with others, we can also expect God to be gracious and merciful to us (check out Monday's Gospel reading)! Jesus knows that I need Him to take that approach with me, personally! I'm slightly biased, as usual, but I think St. Therese was just the greatest at this! Yes, it's true: she is my cool, stealthy ninja saint inspiration. Of course, there are always some things that we can't cover up, and can't be gracious about... we simply have to confront certain issues. However, even beyond the bigger things, there are the little mistakes and pin-pricks of every day.

6) Adopt a cardinal! Just do it!

7) I pulled out an old journal tonight to find something specific. But in looking for it, I found something that I haven't thought about for quite a while: some reflections that I had after reading A Severe Mercy. I read it over Christmas break my senior year, when I was about to go into my last semester at Franciscan, and wrote:

"Much of what I've experienced and thought about today can be put in terms of 'severe mercy,' like C.S. Lewis spoke of in Sheldon Vanauken's book. A severe mercy - not words that you'd necessarily put together at first. But I think I've realized what a strong, ardent, passionate, stop-at-nothing love that that bespeaks. Lord, You know how jealous and selfish I can be, and so everything You do in my life is to draw me closer to You. Everything. A severe mercy. 'I come to cast fire on the earth; and would that it were already kindled!' (Luke 12:49). 'If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it.' (Luke 9:23-24). 'Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.' (Luke 5:4). A severe mercy... a fierce love. I feel and see it so clearly in the Gospels, and in my own life. It's burning, purifying. And yet, not demanding, in a mean kind of way. Still patient and gentle - it's even the stronger for that, even the fiercer, for it is much stronger in patience and gentleness with me than I am with myself! Severe, but it is tender enough to melt my heart.

"So thank You... thank You for this love that will stop at nothing to completely win my heart. You pull me away from people and places I love, even as You orchestrated the events in the author's life, and in the Apostles' lives, etc.... You detach me, because You know that I will hold back, that I won't go all-out in following Your plans, that I cling to fear and self-pity..."

Jesus, over two years later, I still want to say it: thank You for stopping at nothing to completely win my heart.

Until next time, dear readers! Pax. By the way, pray for our high school retreat this weekend!

In Ministry, or Life in General...

...sometimes, this hits us:

For me, there are days where nothing really triggers it. Life is going along fine, and SMACK... I'm hit with a sense of my own unworthiness, and God's amazing love and mercy and I-don't-even-know-what that allows me, somehow, to work for Him. 

I don't think this is bad. I really, really am nervous about being a hypocrite, a Pharisee, someone with a millstone tied around my neck and thrown into the sea. Moments like this remind me that, if I let him, God's grace will keep me from this. He'll surround me with a sea of unfathomable mercy, if I keep having these moments of weakness. Because his power is perfect in my weakness. 

Lord, if I'm going to help others know and love you, help me love and know you.