How to Be An Internet Grown-Up

I work with young people. And I'm the official 20-something of the church office staff. Ergo... everybody asks me about social media! You know, the Tweeters and BookFace and all that stuff the young'uns are doing these days. Lolz. Except to be fair, no one actually asks me questions like that. ;) As it turns out, more and more adults are getting on social media all the time!

But still, I'm a bit more fluent than the average 60 year old; no judgment, it's just how the generation gap rolls. So I still do get a lot of questions... and hey, since you asked, I have some opinions!

(Just fyi, I'm not hold back any punches today... get your helmet on! Ready? Okay, let's do this.)

This is the main thing I would like to cry from the rooftops: if you're a grown up, be a grown-up! Yes, you can be young at heart, you can still have fun in life, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. etc. I love fun... just ask my friends! I'm a youth minister, for crying out loud! But if you're going to be a role model for young people - and I promise, you probably are - and you're going to be online - which, if you're reading this, you clearly are - then be a role model.

(By the way, this really applies to all of your behaviors, not just in the social media world (see 2 Maccabees 6:18-31 and Matthew 18:6). But we'll stick to the interwebs for now.)

I'm quite tired of seeing adults post complaints, gossip, and all sorts of other immaturity on Facebook and Twitter. We have a responsibility to our youth, and I'm just not going to stand around while we tank it. There is sooooooooo much emotional immaturity in the world... why are we encouraging it??

Think about it this way. If you were giving a kid drugs, that would be really unhealthy and bad (that's like Grown-Up 101). So why is it okay to teach them to be emotionally unhealthy?

And don't say that it's because you're trying to "relate" to them. Again, note the drugs example. (Feel free to bop yourself in the forehead at this point and say "duh.")

So, no matter what religion you practice or don't practice, no matter whether you're 25 or 75, I think it's time to quit it. Not just for our own sakes (which would be reason enough!) but for our youth. Because if we don't want them to grow up to be like us, that's a problem (read that again, think it through). Yes? Who's with me?

...to start acting like an adult online! (Because there had to be a cliche Uncle Sam poster involved.)

And just in case you're on board with me... I've composed a nifty pledge you can take, to help the war effort! (The war against internet awfulness!) It goes like this:

The Internet Grown-Up Club Pledge

As a member of the supposedly more mature part of humanity, I recognize that I have a responsibility to the young people around me. I therefore make the following pledge:

1. I will not use social media in order to gossip, complain, or stir up scandal. 

(Please note, there is a difference between sharing an opinion and complaining. Sharing your opinion and actually using your critical thinking skills = awesome. We need more real thinkers in the world today. Whining and being annoying, however... no.)

2. I will not post anything online that would lead a young person astray. (This includes pictures.) If someone else tags me in something that would lead a young person to believe that inappropriate or dangerous behavior is acceptable, I will untag myself. I will kindly but firmly ask the person who posted such a status/picture/etc. to delete it. And then I will make an effort to not do such behaviors again in real life.

3. I will not use the internet for my own emotional problems. Instead, I will take serious matters to a friend, family member, counselor, priest, and/or God.

4. I will not post online for attention. I will fill my emotional needs with healthy, family/friend relationships.

5. I refuse to subtweet.

(Subtweeting means that you post about a particular person or issue, but you try to make it vague and general. Usually, everyone still knows that you're talking about someone specific... and they usually know who it is. For instance: "Teenage parents need to take responsibility for their actions; life isn't all fun and games anymore." Or, "Ex-husbands need to remember that their ex-wives still have feelings." In those statements, I'm pretty sure that you're talking about someone specific, right?? Be honest.)

5a. I will not post something online in order to "fix" another person. If I find myself about to post a link, status, etc., that is specifically meant for one person to see, in order that they will change their behavior, I will stop myself and not go through with it.

5b. I will not post something on the internet to berate or bully another person.

(Yes, adults can be cyberbullies, too.)

5c. If I have a complaint about a specific person, organization, etc., I will communicate this concern through the proper channels.
(For instance: I have seen people post complaints online about our parish, when a simple phone call to the office would have cleared the whole issue up. It's usually a genuine miscommunication or misunderstanding. If you post about it online, then you've spread that miscommunication, not to mention lots of negativity and drama, to more people!)

6. Before I put something online, I will ask myself: "If the whole world saw this, would I be okay with it?"

7. If I have violated any of the above, I will delete those posts/pictures/links/quotes/etc.

8. I will not live in the online world more than I live in the real world. I will not post every single thing I do via social media.

9. If I can't seem to stop myself from these behaviors, I will take a break from social media until I can!

I, __________, hereby pledge to stop making the internet ridiculously unhealthy, petty, and immature. By my presence, I will make the online world a more constructive, joyful, good, healthy place to be.

A couple of notes:

1) This is not an exhaustive list of immature/just plain bad online behavior. It's just a few things that I've noticed. (Let me know if there's something else you think I should add!)

2) Younger people, not yet adults, can also join on this bandwagon of internet maturity... why not? The more you can avoid having emotional issues, the better and happier you will be!

3) Don't actually make a room full of people stand up and pledge this. (Then I would feel bad about making you all go through a super-cheesy ritual.) Just make the decision within yourself (and maybe with some friends!) that you're going to be an awesome, emotionally mature, role-model worthy adult.

"No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.... All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ." -Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 

Catching Up...

Funny how it works... I make more time for people, and there is less time to blog! Not that I was doing much of it anyway, right? ;)

At any rate, it's time to catch you all up on what's been going on in my brain! Here are some things that have struck me over the last 10 days or so, in no particular order:

1) I discovered this address of Bl. John Paul II to the young people of New Zealand in 1986. So often, we (or maybe just I) automatically think of high school students whenever we talk about young people, youth ministry, etc. That's why I was surprised to learn, via some of my college classes, that World Youth Days were originally more for young adults - 20 somethings - than for teenagers! To this day, if I remember correctly, it's more of an American phenomenon to bring high school kids. At any rate, that's the perspective I was coming from while reading this particular address, although it wasn't give at a WYD. My Papa is talking to me! And in a much simpler style than I remember him using (maybe I just have read too many encyclicals, Love and Responsibility, etc., and not enough of his talks!). But, for lack of a better way to give high praise... it's awesome! He says things like "There is no place for selfishness – and no place for fear!" and "Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice." Bam.

2) Danielle Rose came out with a new album! Okay, seriously... I've been waiting (slightly impatiently). One of the songs jumped out at me right away, and it's still giving me food for thought and prayer, so I'll probably dedicate a full post to telling you about it. But for now, suffice it to say that the album is called "Culture of Life." The culture of life... one of my favorite things!! Now Audrey Assad just needs to come out with her new album, and I'll be happy. 

3) Speaking of music, I took some teens to Winter Jam this past Friday night. It was crazy - we didn't get back until a little after 2am! Cue my worried voice: "Uh, guys, call your parents and let them know we're just leaving Cincinnati... I can talk to them and let them know that we're really seriously going to be back that late... that you're telling them the truth... yeah." The teens kept wondering, half joking and half serious, whether they'll be pulled over by the cops for curfew once we got back to church and they had to drive home. But luckily, no one got in trouble and we all survived in one piece (although I think that sleep will be forever lost!). Either way, I've been listening to this song ever since I heard TobyMac perform it at the concert. I think it's a beautiful testimony to the humility we're all called to have: in ministry, but in every other part of our lives, as well. Basically, it's not about us; it's all about Him! "If You want to steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go..."

I like to blast it in my car whilst driving down the freeway. Sometimes, you just need loud music, right? It makes me feel young. You can laugh all you want at that! But when you're either spending your time with teenagers (and you have to be the responsible one) or with the 60 year olds in the office (where you're trying to prove that you're a grown-up too), it feels good to be 23. Turn it up!!

4) Realistic vs. unrealistic expectations. Now, expectations aren't really a fun concept to dwell on, but sometimes it has to come up. What I'm about to say may sound jaded, but please don't take it that way: I'm learning, once again, that you can't put all your stock in a couple of people. It's not really fair to people to put too much pressure on them, either as volunteers or as friends. Even if they're not feeling overburdened, it's not a healthy move (in leadership or in your personal life) to assume that people always understand what you're trying to get across, always read your emails, have the same priorities as you, etc. Not cool, Robert Frost! (See my post with the kid president video, if you don't understand this reference... your life is slightly deprived if you haven't watched that video yet!). Now like I said, I'm not jaded. I think it's a positive realization! It's freeing to see reality as it is, vs. how I'm trying to create it. I'm not talking about having low expectations (because then people won't aim for awesomeness), but about being realistic. I'm thinking of it as calling others on to greatness, but not insanity!

5) Slightly related, but different: it's been several months now, but off and on I've been reflecting on the concept of being gracious to others. I feel like there's kind of a cool, stealthy ninja art to helping others not to feel too badly about their weaknesses, taking it upon yourself to kind of secretly deal with the ramifications, not complaining about it to others, not even casually bringing it up in conversation, putting just a little extra work in to avoid drawing attention to them, etc. Actually, I'm slightly relieved to remember that if we are gracious with others, we can also expect God to be gracious and merciful to us (check out Monday's Gospel reading)! Jesus knows that I need Him to take that approach with me, personally! I'm slightly biased, as usual, but I think St. Therese was just the greatest at this! Yes, it's true: she is my cool, stealthy ninja saint inspiration. Of course, there are always some things that we can't cover up, and can't be gracious about... we simply have to confront certain issues. However, even beyond the bigger things, there are the little mistakes and pin-pricks of every day.

6) Adopt a cardinal! Just do it!

7) I pulled out an old journal tonight to find something specific. But in looking for it, I found something that I haven't thought about for quite a while: some reflections that I had after reading A Severe Mercy. I read it over Christmas break my senior year, when I was about to go into my last semester at Franciscan, and wrote:

"Much of what I've experienced and thought about today can be put in terms of 'severe mercy,' like C.S. Lewis spoke of in Sheldon Vanauken's book. A severe mercy - not words that you'd necessarily put together at first. But I think I've realized what a strong, ardent, passionate, stop-at-nothing love that that bespeaks. Lord, You know how jealous and selfish I can be, and so everything You do in my life is to draw me closer to You. Everything. A severe mercy. 'I come to cast fire on the earth; and would that it were already kindled!' (Luke 12:49). 'If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it.' (Luke 9:23-24). 'Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.' (Luke 5:4). A severe mercy... a fierce love. I feel and see it so clearly in the Gospels, and in my own life. It's burning, purifying. And yet, not demanding, in a mean kind of way. Still patient and gentle - it's even the stronger for that, even the fiercer, for it is much stronger in patience and gentleness with me than I am with myself! Severe, but it is tender enough to melt my heart.

"So thank You... thank You for this love that will stop at nothing to completely win my heart. You pull me away from people and places I love, even as You orchestrated the events in the author's life, and in the Apostles' lives, etc.... You detach me, because You know that I will hold back, that I won't go all-out in following Your plans, that I cling to fear and self-pity..."

Jesus, over two years later, I still want to say it: thank You for stopping at nothing to completely win my heart.

Until next time, dear readers! Pax. By the way, pray for our high school retreat this weekend!