What Goes In...

"Garbage in, garbage out," Mom said. Over... and over... and over, throughout my childhood. (Kind of like Dad's favorite phrase: "Repetition is the mother of learning... repetition is the mother of learning... repetition is the mother of learning." Definitely related to the whole "Pete and Re-Pete were on a boat" joke; all eliciting equal amounts of groaning and eye rolling from us kids.)

But, despite the cheese, Mom was right! #youwinmom

I've been realizing something more and more lately: stories form us. They mold the way we think, the way we respond to the situations we face, and the kind of people we want to be. They shape our expectations about life, and our ideas of where true happiness lies. Heck, they even influence our dreams! I've found that, if I can even remember my dream from the night before, I can trace the ideas/situations/people in the dream back to a movie or TV show I watched, a book I read, or a conversation I had. It's actually kind of creepy... but it really is true. And, even though I know we're not responsible for the things we do (or say or think) in our dreams, I've still found that they reveal something about myself (for good or ill).

For instance, I have a friend who regularly has dreams about the saints. That doesn't just randomly happen! What actually happens is that she reads a lot about the saints, thinks about them, and has relationships with them. Their lives are the stories that shape her imagination and capture her heart; she measures her own life - and her ideas about what it means to be truly happy and fulfilled - against theirs.

Personally, I've noticed that the more chick flicks I watch, the less satisfied I am with life. For girls, I think this is probably pretty common! We see a super cute, romantic couple having so much fun together... and then we compare this "perfect" life to our own situations (another trap my mom always warned me about!). 

(Side note: my weakness is Jim and Pam on "The Office." Seriously, so cute. Can't even handle it. But then I remember that they both had mind-numbingly boring jobs, their boss was a freak, and it took about three agonizing years for them to get together, and I feel better.)

Anywhoozles. Basically, I've realized that there's that... and then there's the incredible talks I listen to online by people like Chris Stefanick, Mark Hart, Jackie Francois and Fr. Mike Schmitz (just type any of their names into YouTube and enjoy). There's stuff that I do to "pass the time" and distract myself from reality... and then there are the books, music, movies, etc. that I use to run toward reality, to plunge into it head-on. (I guess you don't plunge with your head; but you get the point.)

I'm not saying, by the way, that fiction is only a distraction. The right stories, whether or not they are "real," can shape us for greatness. Just look at little kids who play make-believe! They want an adventure, to be courageous and amazing, beautiful and kind. The boys want to be knights and the girls want to be Cinderella; no one wants to be the wicked stepsisters!

So, this is my friendly reminder (mostly to myself!) to be aware of what you watch, what you read, who you hang out with, etc. Again, kind of sounds like something that my mom would say to me as a teenager. But if you're a grown-up, no one is going to make you, anymore!

7 Quick Takes Friday - Anticipation Edition!

Let's talk about 7 things I'm looking forward to:

1

This weekend! I'm going to see my family, my friend and her baby, and, as I just found out, a couple friends from western Canada and their baby! Ohhhhhhh, it's gonna be so good!

2

Another friendship thing: my Wapak BFF comes back from vacation on Sunday! Finally. (Luckily we Skyped yesterday, so that will tide me over for the last couple days without her.)

3

We're kicking off the new youth ministry year on Wednesday! I'm not going to lie, it's not pure excitement... I'm also a little bit scatterbrained and nervous. But I know that once all the teens start walking through the doors, all the to-do lists and office work will be completely worth it! All that fades away, the adrenaline starts pumping, and I'm like GAME TIME. LET'S GO HOLY SPIRIT LET'S GO!

4

Spiritual direction! After a false start last year, it's for reals this time, hopefully. Again, nervous. But it's going to be good for me.
 

5

Labor day weekend! The action continues... a friend from Colorado is coming into town, and we're going to go visit all of our friends around Ohio! It's brilliant, really. Why aren't all holidays on Mondays? Anyway, it's basically going to be mini college friendship reunion time, so I'm psyched for that!
 

6

I'm on a roll in my kitchen: homemade granola, yogurt, and now, with the purchase of a food dehydrator from Aldi's, dried fruit all the time! Haven't busted out the bread maker yet, but it's coming. I'm also planning to swipe my family's strainer pot thingy, so that I can make and can applesauce without having to peel and core the apples first. OH! And did you know that if you freeze bananas and then blend them, it tastes kind of like ice cream? AMAZING. And healthy (unless you add chocolate syrup and coconut, like I did.) So basically, I'm looking forward to more fun kitchen time. As a friend of mine would say, #domesticdiva.
 

7

Since I mentioned food, I might as well mention its counterpart: I've actually been sticking with this exercise routine (all two weeks of it)! Although I never really look forward to working out, I've already noticed a difference in the way I feel. Plus, I'm improving! Mostly this means that I feel less like death (still like death, but less). But I've also noticed more discipline in my life as a whole, which is a pretty cool thing, too.

Risk. Change. Conflict. Ouch.

Ran across this article about leadership and change today! I think y'all should read it, whether or not you're in a leadership position. If you are, it will probably ring true to your experience and give you some good advice; and if you're not, it might help you understand your leaders a bit better, and so be a more constructive member of a team/company/etc. (believe me, if you can work well with others, you are high up on my list of favorite people!!).

This point, in particular, really stuck out to me:

"3. Leaders crave change more than most people do because they're, well, leaders. Your passion level is always going to be naturally and appropriately higher than most people's when it comes to change. Just know that's how you're wired and don't get discouraged too quickly if your passion for change is higher than others. You're the leader."

That really resonates with me, so it kinda made me feel better about the countless hours I spend thinking about changes that most people don't really care about... yeah. ;)

On the other hand, I had a moment this morning where I was on the receiving end of a potential change. For a minute, it knocked the wind out of me. Nothing entirely unexpected, but still, it's frustrating. It  messes with my plans and the way that I had decided on doing things... ouch. And actually more disconcerting to me, I know for a fact that I'm going to get stuck hearing everybody and their mother's opinions on the matter! Not a fun way to start Monday morning...

But as I pondered the whole situation more, I started thinking creatively and more positively about the change. In the span of a half an hour, I went from holding back tears to strategizing! How can we best empathize with people and do damage control, while still remaining positive and moving forward? How can we make this something that unites, instead of divides? And most importantly... Jesus, how can we become more holy through this? How can we use this as a teachable moment for more prayer, humility and dying to self? Please, help me put myself aside! (I tell y'all this not to be like, "oh look at me, I'm gonna play this off all cool despite how I feel," but just to say that grace really is present in the difficult situations you find yourself in.)

So I think that's my new rule: Katie, you have 30 minutes to be upset! Then, you need to get over yourself and be constructive.

In fact, that might not be a bad plan for leadership roles that I find myself in. (I'm thinking out loud here...) Let everyone in the affected group know what's going on, empathize with them, etc. But be very upfront about the fact that, after a little time to be upset, we have to put ourselves aside and work for the sake of something bigger than ourselves. There will be no room for complaining, gossiping or playing the blame game. (Bam!)

Leading in a way that fosters holiness... yikes. I think I'm going to be learning until the day I die.

3.It  Leaders crave change more than most people do because they’re, well, leaders. Your passion level is always going to be naturally and appropriately higher than most people’s when it comes to change. Just know that’s how you’re wired and don’t get discouraged too quickly if your passion for change is higher than others. You’re the leader. - See more at: http://careynieuwhof.com/2013/07/cheat-sheet-13-facts-about-change-many-leaders-dont-realize/#sthash.AegiecLP.dpuf

3. Leaders crave change more than most people do because they’re, well, leaders. Your passion level is always going to be naturally and appropriately higher than most people’s when it comes to change. Just know that’s how you’re wired and don’t get discouraged too quickly if your passion for change is higher than others. You’re the leader. - See more at: http://careynieuwhof.com/2013/07/cheat-sheet-13-facts-about-change-many-leaders-dont-realize/#sthash.AegiecLP.dpuf

On My Heart

Today, just some scattered things that are beautiful and that speak to my heart: 

~Pope Francis' August 11th Angelus address (for now, this is just an article about it. No English translation of the full thing yet... it usually takes a couple days to come out. But still, please read!).

~Some Fulton Sheen quotes from On Being Human:

"...He who made the heavens and lived for mankind spoke His tenderest love when His audience was one listener."

"...powerful enough to control the collective planets of the universe, and yet careful not to neglect the burden that weighed on a single heart."

"Everyone else is too weak to heal a broken heart. He alone can do it Who counts the stars."

"Those who have hope are like a boy with a kite. The kite may conceivably be so high in the clouds that it cannot be seen, but he who holds the string feels the tug of it."

~Two new songs by Audrey Assad. Her album isn't officially out until tomorrow, so no YouTube links to the actual music yet. But, lyrics:

You Speak

You liberate me
From my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser love
You set me free

In the silence of the heart, You speak
In the silence of the heart, You speak
And it is there that I will know You
And You will know me
In the silence of the heart You speak
You speak

You satisfy me
'Til I am quiet and confident
In the work of the Spirit I cannot see

In the silence of the heart You speak


I Shall Not Want

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me, O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me, O God
Deliver me, O God

And I shall not want
Oh, I shall not want
When I taste your goodness, I shall not want
When I taste your goodness, I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me, O God
Deliver me, O God

And I shall not want...


Happy Monday, everybody!

Here we go!

Today, I started working out. For reals this time. Because I have accountability now... shoot.

I kid, I kid... it's actually kind of awesome! One of the core team members for our youth ministry is one of those super healthy fitness-type people, and she wants to start up an exercise group as a ministry in our parish. (Can I just say how cool our core team is? And how much I love hanging out with them, just doing random things as friends?) It's really sweet, she's putting a lot of thought into it, and I really hope it gets approved by our pastor/parish council... 

But in the meantime, she's getting me going. And it kicked my butt today. 

No, really. Like, I'm a freaking wimp. 

I'll spare you the details, like how I needed to lie down in the middle of the football field at one point, to prevent puking/fainting. Actually, I guess that was basically all the details... anyway. Yes, I am only in my 20's. But it's cool. Just like everything else in my life, it'll make a great story for a youth ministry talk someday, right? Perseverance, running the race, strength in our weaknesses, humility, etc. It's chock-full of spiritually significant themes. This is the plus side of working in ministry: you can take practically every random thing that's ever happened to you, and make it mean something! Sometimes we stretch it, I'll admit. But this one is actually pretty good!

This list is my favorite thing today. Hands down.

I think that's all. Basically, I'm just kind of excited to conquer something. So yeah, I'll just keep that in mind the next time I feel like death (aka Saturday). 

What Are We: Titanium or Glass?*

So yesterday, I was listening to this:

And then a little while later, I was listening to this:

Then I started thinking.

Fact: Dwight memes always help to illustrate the point.

Personally, I am not titanium! I'm not bulletproof, I do have things to lose... so please, don't fire away!

I'm much, much more like glass. Not that I'm a wimp, or that I can't be tough when I need to be. But my heart is fragile; it may shatter. I'm human! While we're all made to have a beautiful strength of soul, filled with God's grace, we are also weak, frail and vulnerable at times. We need each other - and that is a good thing. Can you imagine how prideful and cold our world would be if we were all truly self-sufficient and unbreakable? We would become isolated, turned in on ourselves, wrapped up in own little worlds. And that would be the opposite of love.

Even though it seems kind of backwards, it actually takes a certain amount of strength to admit weakness. It requires courage to take an honest look at yourself! Who benefits when we pretend to be titanium? No one, really. When you say that you're so strong that no one can hurt you, that you don't need anyone or anything, it's denying reality. Who benefits when you deny reality? Certainly not you! It's like going swimming in a lake of alligators, pretending that you're made of steel. Do you really think you're going to win out?

(I think that so many of the problems in our culture, by the way, come about when we don't live our lives according to reality. Contrary to popular belief, we don't decide our own reality! When we turn a blind eye to the way the world really is - and the way our hearts are actually, truly made - we're not doing ourselves a favor. At least, that's how a lot of my own problems happen! But that's a topic for another day.)

Still, the whole "titanium" thing is a tempting prospect, right? If I can play it off like I'm invincible, like whatever you do won't hurt me, then I have the upper hand (supposedly). If I protect my heart from you, you can't hurt me (or so we tell ourselves).

But as the commonly quoted C.S. Lewis said in The Four Loves:

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

He goes on:

"I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God's will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness. It is like hiding the talent in a napkin and for much the same reason.... Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness."

And then:

"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."

When all is said and done, our model is a God who didn't protect His heart (or His mother's) from being pierced. We have a God who wept, who looked with compassion on others, who knew how to be vulnerable and truly to love:

And if our God didn't feel the need to be titanium, why should we?


----------
*I feel like there are a lot of caveats that need to be made with this topic. I'm not justifying that you stay in emotionally unhealthy relationships, that you be a doormat to abuse, etc. If you need to get out of a bad situation, or if you need healing from something in the past, don't be afraid to seek out help! Call up your local church - you can meet with a priest who can advise you further. They should also have a list of good Christian counselors in your area. If it's a situation that requires civil authorities (you or someone else you know is in danger), don't be afraid to call your local police station. We are not made to be titanium, so it's okay to stop pretending that you're fine, if you're not.

Timehop Tuesday! (vol. 2)

As I wrote last week, I'm starting a new series of posts: Timehop Tuesdays! I'm going back in time to see the things that I cared enough about one or two years ago to put online. Were they worth it? You can be the judge.

I remember this first one very clearly! 

To be honest, it kind of ended up failing anyway... the camping part was fun, but then it rained on our Cedar Point day and we hardly got to ride any rides! Still, it happened, and I achieved a milestone in my youth ministry career: actually doing something.

I also remember this one quite distinctly:

All these first-year, post-college youth ministry moments really stick out in my memory. This one in particular was right after our Steubenville follow-up event! The other two youth ministers were like hey, Katie, you're not leading anything yet... wanna give a quick talk about what happened at Steubie, for the kids and parents who didn't go?

Sure thing! I was actually pretty pumped. I think I ended up talking a lot about one of the main Scriptures they used over the weekend: Jesus walking on water. I remember the phrase "get out of the boat!" came up a lot. All in all, fun times. During all the craziness of my first summer on the job, this tweet was proof that once in a while, I actually did stop to reflect on what was happening, and how blessed I was to have this new job.

I'll let you ponder this next one on your own:

And this fabulous gem:

St. Josemaria Escriva is great at kicking me into gear when I'm being a spiritual slacker, but this quote was actually pretty encouraging, since it came at a humbling time for me. After a year of being in this job, I was taking a good look at what I did and who I was, and it was very easy to focus in on all my faults and failures. Not a bad thing to do some honest self-evaluation... I appreciated the saintly encouragement, though!

Last but not least, here are some of my favorite re-tweets! My brothers often accuse me of being a "re-tweeter"... and it's totally true. But hey, I just want to pay tribute to the wit and wisdom of those who are cooler than me, that's all:

Tee hee, Catholic humor. On a more beautiful, meaningful note:

Also on the theme of your heart:

Mmmm. So, go ponder that for a while. We're done for today... adios!

"Thankfuls"

There's this little ritual we always do at the end of our "Society of Saints" youth nights, called "prayers and thankfuls." It's exactly what you think: everyone takes turns offering up their petitions and thanking God for something. Now personally, being a grammar nerd, this irritated me when I first moved here. What the heck are "thankfuls"? Oh, you mean, "things for which you are thankful"? (Yes, that's what I thought.) However, out of respect from the eternal traditions of SOS that existed for eons before me (coughcoughsixmonths), I've never changed the little phrase.

But all in all, it's a very good tradition. It may sound super cheesy, but really: doesn't being thankful help you to put things in perspective and just generally make you feel better about life?

So today, with full knowledge of its cheesiness, I present to you (and to myself, really): things for which I am grateful:

~Friends from college
~Caffeinated beverages
~Multiple daily Masses within a 20 min. drive
~The ability to be creative with food. Also, the fact that I am able to buy different foods which I can then combine creatively.
~My two legs! I really, really like walking around town.
~Spontaneous lunch/dinner/ice cream invitations from lovely people
~Fun music! And the ability to dance around my kitchen to it (again, refer to the fact that I have two legs)
~My apartment. It's nice to have a place to live! I like it. I'm even thankful that it gives me the chance to wage a war on the awful, terrible spiders on my back step.
~My car. Because it takes me places.
~My guardian angel! He/she/it takes ridiculously good care of me...
~My parish (I like them peoples a lots.)
~Twitter: because it gives me an outlet for my quirky thoughts. Same with text messaging, and this blog.
~Songs on the radio that make me laugh. Especially boy band songs. Especially when they're Christian boy band songs. (Also, I heard "Ice, Ice Baby" on the radio the other day, and I thought it was hilarious!)
~Sleep
~The opportunity to color with sidewalk chalk yesterday, with the little neighbor girls
~Colors in general. Have you ever thought about how cool colors are? Or conversely, how weird it would be if the world didn't have color?
~Ice cream
~Days off
~Days on (the job). Because I really, truly do have a good job.
~Having a future and a hope (see Jeremiah 29:11)
~Flowers. And my friends in college who taught me that there's nothing wrong with buying yourself flowers!
~Being a girl
~The ability to smile. And how much amazingly better I feel when I wield that ability.
~Jesus

Well, probably should stop with that last one - it's not going to get better than that!

Adios, peeps. Happy Monday afternoon!

"He must increase, I must decrease"

As I sat in Mass today listening to the Gospel reading, I was struck by how quiet the death of John the Baptist was. One would have thought that he would go out with a little more of a bang. Fireworks, or a New Orleans-style funeral procession... or at least an epic, dramatic death at the hands of a large, angry mob or something! After all, even Jesus said there was no greater man born of woman (Matthew 11:11). Mary got a glorious Assumption - how come John gets gypped? (I understand that Mary was sinless... but come on, John was still holy and awesome!).

Think about it: you're hanging out in your prison cell, thinking the ministry is going pretty well. Sure, you're in prison. But your disciples had recently come to visit, reassuring you that Jesus was the Messiah (Luke 7:18-23). Plus, Herod likes to listen to you preach once in a while (Mark 6:20) - maybe you're making ground and he'll have a conversion soon! 

Then all of a sudden, a prison guard comes in and says, "Come with me." He takes you out of your cell, down the hallway, out into the back courtyard of the prison... and chops your head off. The end.

Seriously?! All the stuff that he did and saw throughout his life... then at the whims of a few stupid, petty royal people, it's all over?

I wonder what John was thinking as he was about to die. Personally, I would have wondered what the heck was going on - and how come my death seemed so pointless, when there was still so much work to be done for the Kingdom! Something tells me that John was used to radically trusting God a lot more than most of us (locusts for lunch, anyone?); yet, I wonder what he was praying during those moments. To be honest, I think my pride would have been rebelling like crazy; but we know that John the Baptist was an amazingly humble guy (John 3:30; Matthew 3:11, 14), so I'm sure he accepted it much better than I would. 

It just floors me that the life of someone who experienced so many amazing miracles and signs, starting before he was even born (literally), slipped out of this world with so little notice. It stuns me; but it's beautiful. 

It got me thinking about Therese, my favorite saint (this isn't unusual. Let's be honest: everything relates to her, somehow!). Particularly, it made me think of a novena prayer I've been offering up lately. I'll let it speak for itself: 

"St. Therese, model of the hidden life, I thank you for showing us that great deeds, miracles and ecstasies are not necessary for sanctity. I thank you for choosing to walk in your little way, which is possible for everyone to follow. My life is often monotonous, tedious and filled with commonplace duties. But I know that I can take these everyday tasks and with them build a beautiful life worthy of God's favor. I therefore offer to God each day of my life, with all the simple duties it may contain. I do not ask for extraordinary work to do or great deeds to perform; I only ask that I may do the work God has given me to do, be it ever so ordinary, in the spirit in which you went about the quiet life of the convent. Ask, O Little Flower, that God may accept this offering of my heart and bless it with his approval. Obtain for me that I might do ordinary things with an extraordinary love, and that I may do whatever God asks me solely because I love him and because I am doing it for him."

St. John the Baptist and St. Therese, pray for us. One of you was hidden in a prison, the other in a convent; both of you lived deep within the heart of Christ. Teach us how to be humble, to be hidden, to avoid being showy; to love God more than the praise of others, to do our work for him alone; to have a radical trust in his love and his plan, even when it doesn't make sense. And Jesus, through this quiet way of life, help us to bring others to you. 

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 4)

Let's see if we can actually make it "quick" this week!

1

Best part of my week, hands down: getting a last-minute invite to have dinner with a lovely parishioner last night, then helping her make a pinata for her grandson's birthday! When was the last time I made a pinata?? It was gloriously messy and wonderfully random, and I left her house in the happiest of happy moods!

2

Oh yeah, I was also on the radio for the first time in my life, ever... you can listen to it here, if you really want to: http://radiomaria.us/battleforpurity/2013/07/29/july-29-2013/. I was kind of nervous that almost an hour would be wayyyyy too long, but it was actually pretty fun and the time went by quickly!

3

This: "Dear friends, let us bring to Christ's Cross our joys, our sufferings and our failures. There we will find a Heart that is open to us and understands us, forgives us, loves us, and calls us to bear this love in our lives, to love each person, each brother and sister, with the same love. Amen!" -Pope Francis

4

On Monday, I learned that I had signed up for Twitter two years before, to the day. I dubbed it my "twitterversary," and did nothing to celebrate. Except giggle whenever I thought to myself, "twitterversary!"
 

5

I'm in hard-core youth ministry planning mode. I really should get some caution tape for my office door and a sign that says "construction zone: authorized personnel only," like we have on the church door right now (the renovation is going on as we speak!). At any rate, enter at your own risk...

6

We had a great S.O.S. (Society of Saints) night on Wednesday based on Philippians 1:27-2:11. I'm so grateful to the core team member who planned and led the night... I've been feeling so over my head lately, and it was so blessed to just get to listen and reflect on the Scriptures along with everyone else, instead of leading it!

7

Last but not least, happy 18th birthday today to my brother Patrick! I got to go home last weekend for his high school graduation party, which was all you could ever hope for in a high school graduation party: family, friends, food and cornhole.

And here's a classy one of us, from our cousin's wedding the weekend before (which, by the way, was a blast... my whole family hasn't been together at a wedding for years and years!):

Happy birthday "Patty Pancake"... love you!