The "S" Word

Merry Christmas! I've taken some time off from contributing to the blogosphere, with all of the busyness of packing for a long break at home, celebrating our Savior's birth, hanging out with relatives and now, recovering from being sick (eww). But I've been storing up some thoughts that I'll be telling y'all about over the next few days. At this particular moment, my brothers are enthralled in Madden football, probably not coming up to the surface for the rest of the night. So here we go...

In case you didn't know it, I was homeschooled for most of my life. And of course, what is the #1 concern of the general population about homeschoolers? It's the "S" word... "socialization."

OOOOOOOH. The big one! And here we go...  "Did you have friends? It's so weird that you were homeschooled... you seem so 'normal'! Did you ever get out of the house?" When people raise these questions to me today, I usually give them a litany of activities I participated in with kids my age: Girl Scouts, 4-H, church choir, homeschool co-op, PSR classes (that's the evening religion class for kiddos who don't go to Catholic school), etc. etc. etc. In fact, I can even tell you my schedule from those good ol' days: Monday was 4-H, Tuesday was choir, Wednesday was PSR, and Thursday was co-op and Girl Scouts (I think). There was even a period of time where I was part of a group of homeschoolers who went roller skating at the local week every week during the day (Friday, maybe?). How cool is that? Seriously! While you were in school, we were roller skating with our friends. Bam. (Just chalk it up as phys. ed class... when you're homeschooled, you can do that.) Now, by the time I was about halfway through high school, I decided these activities weren't enough, and headed off to "regular school." (It was my angsty teenage "I want to be with my friends all the time and ditch my family" phase.) That's a story in itself - but in case you were wondering: yes, I made friends and did just fine in my classes.

The other day, I was thinking about different phases in my life, trying to remember what each one felt like. How did I see the world at that point? Etc. And of course I came to my childhood homeschooling phase, particularly right around when I was in middle school.

I'll tell you a secret. But shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you really aren't allowed to tell. It would topple the nicely created edifice that I have worked so hard to build all these years. It would destroy the happy mask that I've paper-mached in a desperate effort to get you all to stop judging my homeschooling background. So shhhhhhh... don't give me away.

There was a time in my homeschooling childhood when I did not feel like I was properly "socialized" (although I would not have expressed it in that way). There was a time when I would sit at home, reading oodles and oodles of books, playing with my little siblings, cooking dinner with my mom, and think about the next time I would see my friends. Would so-and-so make it to choir on Tuesday night? Gosh, I really hoped so. If not, I wouldn't see her for two weeks! Would I have a sleepover with my best friend this weekend? Or would she invite somebody else over? I would wonder. I hoped that the two girls I admired would be at 4-H this week, and wondered if maybe they thought the same way about me. Probably not, I thought... and I thought, and I thought, and I thought. Gosh, it was four days until roller skating! And four days was simply an eternity.

I don't think that this was entirely due to my homeschooling background - it was probably, partly, just being a kid. I'm sure that you looked forward to sleepovers and hoped that you were liked, right? Right?? (Just say yes, and make me feel okay about myself.) However, I think there's something deeper here, too.

When I was homeschooled, I really valued the time that I spent with people. Seeing someone for an hour on Friday warranted several days' worth of daydreaming. Then, once I left, I revelled in the memories for another hour or two (or agonized over whether I said the wrong thing, as the case may be).

Fast forward to today. A few weeks ago, I saw some lovely people on a Saturday morning. I came home, did some housework and maybe watched a movie... but I felt unsatisfied. Why wasn't I going out tonight?? How lame was I, that I had no plans on a weekend night?? Angst, unsatisfaction, a conglomeration of frustrating feelings.

But wait... wasn't I just blessed by the presence of others that morning... earlier that same day?

As something becomes more common in your life, it's possible that it becomes more of a commodity and less of a treasure. When I was homeschooled, every chance to see a friend - or a potential friend - was awesome! Now, there are more people who are a part of my everyday life.

There's a trade-off there: today I'm much more confident and outgoing than I used to be. I also think that there's something to be said when an exciting, surprising friendship transitions into a calm, quiet, everyday life kind of friendship. But do I still value every interaction that I have with others? Or do I take the people in my life for granted?

In this year and a half after my college graduation, I've wished and prayed that some of my friends from school would live near me (and I've cried, since they don't). If I would have a chance this week to see a friend from California, or Colorado, or Chicago, I would be psyched!!! <-- multiple exclamation points to show excitement. (Actually, I'm going to catch up with some friends over the next few days, and I am indeed psyched!)

But why do I have to wait until I'm miles away from someone to value their presence so much? Why not start right now - with the people I work with, the people I see on a daily or weekly basis? Am I so busy that I don't take any time to think about this?

"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and privacy: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." -C.S. Lewis

A vague concept of "socialization" shouldn't be the ideal. More people, more noise, more unchecked busyness isn't the goal. As Lewis says, we need to temper it with solitude and silence. Which I had plenty of when I was homeschooled... back when I placed more of a value on my time with others. Looking back, not such a bad time in my life, eh?

********

Side note: if you've never seen this little gem, check it out. Great for all of your homeschooling myth debunking needs! 

Optimism, Pessimism, Hope

It dawned on me a couple weeks ago: I read articles by Fr. Robert Barron before he was cool! I was reading excerpts from "And Now I See" before the Catholicism series came out, probably before he was on Twitter, and definitely before he became the official spokesperson for Pope Benedict XVI's third Jesus of Nazareth book. This wasn't because I'm exceptionally fantastic, myself; it was all thanks to a fabulous catechetics professor I had in college. Thank you, Professor Pauley (and thank you, Franciscan University)! Woohoo! #coolnessbyassociation

But now that Fr. Barron is a more well-known name on the parish level (definitely a good thing!), I hear about him off and on. Yesterday, it took the form of a parking lot conversation after our youth ministry finished caroling at a nursing home. Dude, believe me: if nothing else, I am an expert in parking lot conversations. I'm not truly at home with someone unless I can talk with them for hours in the cold/snow/heat/dark. You know how when you were a little kid, sometimes after church/at the grocery store/while picking you up from Scouts, your parents chatted with their grown-up friends forever, and you felt like you'll never go home? Now I am that grown-up (minus the little child tugging at my coat).

So one person brings up a talk by Fr. Barron about optimism, pessimism, and hope. Usually, in this particular group, we're all on track with each other. But this time, controversy! Definitions being demanded! Dictionaries being threatened! Frowns and dismay! Okay, it wasn't really that serious... we were all still friendly. But this was the issue: apparently Fr. Barron said that pessimism is better than optimism, because it's more realistic. Now mind you, one of the people in our little parking-lot-conversation-circle is probably one of the most joyful, bubbly, happy people the world has ever known. Really. And I'm not really the gloom-and-doom type either, you know. So of course, we demanded an explanation.

Tonight, I looked up this homily, and found that the explanation we got was pretty accurate to what Fr. Barron said. I'll let you listen for yourself, if you'd like. Basically, the idea is that optimists are ignoring reality, because everything isn't fine - we live in a fallen world. Pessimists are much more realistic, due to the brokenness and sin around us. We cannot hope in the present world - the only way we will ever be totally fulfilled, the only way everything will be completely fine, is in eternity.

I understand what Father is saying. Of course things aren't perfect here, and they won't be until heaven! Of course! I totally agree! I don't think that Fr. Barron is advocating escapism, where we avoid the world altogether. And I don't think he's advocating a gloom-and-doom reality, where we view life as a drudgery (although when he brought up Sartre, I was tempted to think so. I had to read him in college, and I hated it! No Exit was one of the most depressing reads ever. Blech. But at least it's interesting to compare and contrast with C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce! And now I'm just rambling in parentheses).

Yet, I think he might come across that way, if you're not listening carefully. I suggest that we throw out the terms "optimist" and "pessimist" in this talk, since they already come with so many pre-conceived definitions. Instead, let's just focus on the concepts - that instead of pretending evil doesn't exist, we should look realistically at the world. But we shouldn't lose hope! God can bring good out of evil, and we have a perfect, beautiful eternity with him to look forward to! So far, I'm totally on board.

(Side note: dude, sometimes I think that half of coming to terms with theology is working through the language that different theologians use. Specific, precise definitions for all words, and ya gotta know how those definitions differ from common usage. So for Fr. Barron to hone in on a certain definition of "optimism" and "pessimism," which isn't the exact way that most of us mean it, I shouldn't be surprised. It's just what they do. I think it's the same thing with philosophy... but I don't know enough about it to go there.)

But maybe the part that rubs me wrong is the impression I got from listening to him, which is that we can have no hope in this world. Even Pope Benedict, in the encyclical that Fr. Barron quoted, said:

"Let us say once again: we need the greater and lesser hopes that keep us going day by day. But these are not enough without the great hope, which must surpass everything else. This great hope can only be God, who encompasses the whole of reality and who can bestow upon us what we, by ourselves, cannot attain." -Spe Salvi

Gotta love a good Catholic "both-and." Little "h" hopes, if you will, in the day-to-day world. And big "H" Hope, for eternity. Not one or the other... both are important! But, bottom line: if the little "h" hope fails, we'll still turn out okay in the end, because we've got big "H" Hope.

(Another side note: if you were here with me as I'm writing this, you'd totally know that I'm phlegmatic in temperament. I keep wanting to include caveats: "But I really do love Fr. Barron! I think he's great! I'm sure he didn't mean what I think he's saying!" It's a struggle, but I decided that he'll be okay, that you won't assume I'm trying to martyr him, and that I'm allowed to think. Phlegmatic victory!)

With all this pessimism/optimism talk on my brain, it really stuck out to me in the Scriptures today. The first reading was from Isaiah 7, so I wanted to read the whole chapter to get the context. These two lines jumped off the page at me:

"If you will not believe,

surely you shall not be established."

-Isaiah 7:9b 

Which, of course, reminded me of tomorrow's Gospel reading:

"Blessed are you who believed 

that what was spoken to you by the Lord

would be fulfilled."

-Luke 1:45

  

God works in time. This Old Testament attack that Isaiah is referring to, as well as the angel appearing to Mary, were events in human history. They happened here, not in eternity. I think that is why I am so hesitant to say that we only can have hope for heaven... because God is working right now, too.

(Maybe I'm mixing up my definitions of hope and faith?? Papa B goes over that in the encyclical I quoted above, if you want to dig into that more. If I remember correctly, he intertwines them very closely.)

At any rate, I have many more thoughts swirling in my head about this, but hey, it's not a dissertation. I encourage you to devour anything that Fr. Barron puts out, because his stuff is phenomenal - I just wanted to spend some time doing a bit more thinking on this one topic. (I particularly recommend his series about the deadly sins and their corresponding virtues!)

And now I'm rambling... time to see if my laundry is done, and then go to bed! God bless you all - take heart, have hope, trust in the Lord!

 

Links I Love + Ven. Fulton Sheen Quote-y Goodness

Happy Tuesday! I think I'm going to take a cue from The Evangelista, and share some gems that I've come across on the webbernets lately (thank you to Fr. Kyle for that fabulous word. Interwebs, too!). Here we go:

This. This times five hundred and ninety-two! As a youth minister, I share similar frustrations... partially because the sorts of comments that he describes always make me somewhat insecure. But also, because I really, truly do want every baptized Christian to realize that they can be a relevant witness, if they love the Lord, love the people they meet and engage the culture in which those people live. I'm not the only person who can relate to youth, just because I'm 23, as if I'm going to expire someday. Thank you, Edmund, for this!

Jenifer Fulwiler has been rocking my socks lately! Last week, I exhorted you to watch her show; now, here it is, for your YouTube viewing pleasure! I was very excited indeed that it was trending on Twitter! Today, I also ran across this article she wrote about the message that dressing up sends to our lackadaisical culture.

My parish recently got Lighthouse Catholic Media, so I've been listening to their talks to try to spread the word! Today I listened to "True Worship" by Fr. Mike Schmitz, and I am in love with it. If I had listened to it earlier, I would have ordered a whole bunch of copies and handed them out as Christmas presents to the teens in my youth group... I still might do that sometime. It's not a freebie, but it's well worth the $2.50 to get the MP3 version online. Listen and share!! You can also find his homilies (for free) here. Praise the Lord for his gift of preachin' the truth! Seriously, it cuts me to the core.

This picture. Memes are kind of starting to get old for me. But this one makes me smile so much! Imagine Dwight saying it, and I guarantee that there is a 97.2% chance that it will make you feel better on a rainy day.

God's providence plays a definite hand in saving a prematurely born baby's life! I'm less than impressed with the UK's "ethical guidelines," but praise the LORD that this little one is alive and with his parents today!

Last but not least, I've been running across some smashing quotes from the Venerable Fulton Sheen over the last couple of days!

"Love that is only giving, ends in exhaustion; love that is only seeking, perishes in its selfishness. Love that is ever seeking to give and is ever defeated by receiving is the shadow of the Trinity on earth, and therefore a foretaste of heaven." (Three to Get Married)

"Each child that is born begins to be a bead in the great rosary of love, binding the parents together in the rosy chains of a sweet slavery of love." (Three to Get Married)

And my current favorite:

"If at all possible, the priest should make his daily Holy Hour before celebrating his Mass. Now that the Church's regulations on the pre-Eucharistic fast have been modified, he will be well-advised to take a cup of coffee before he starts. The average American is physically, biologically, psychologically and neurologically unable to do anything worthwhile before he has a cup of coffee! And that goes for prayer too. Even sisters in convents whose rules were written well before electric percolators were developed would do well to update their procedures. Let them have coffee before meditation." (The Priest is not his Own)

"...physically, biologically, psychologically and neurologically unable..." Gets me every time! I'm still giggling over it... dude, I really wish I could have coffee with Fulton Sheen. That would be the best! Although apparently, he shows up in my friend's dreams and drinks milkshakes with her. #jealous. (Probably shouldn't complain, though, because Cardinal Dolan crashed my dream once! It was pretty fabulous.)

I will leave you with one of my favorite links, the Mass readings of the day. Hopefully, this site isn't new to you. You might need a refresher on who Manoah from Zorah is, though! I did. But in all seriousness, the readings for tomorrow are beautiful, especially considering all of my friends who are currently pregnant, hoping for pregnancy, or taking care of small children. I also love this line from the Psalm 71, especially as a youth minister:

"For you are my hope, O Lord;

my trust, O God, from my youth.

On you I depend from birth;

from my mother's womb you are my strength."

See, it is possible and beautiful to be young and holy! St. Therese (my fave!) comes to mind here.

That's all for now! I pray for you, you pray for me... good night!

P.S. If anyone knows why my formatting ends up looking funny, especially for quotation marks and apostrophes, please let me know how I can fix that! I'm a grammar/format/editing nerd, so it bugs me. Thank you!

On Newtown

The only response to the Connecticut shootings that I can think of:

In all of our suffering, Christ is right there with us, on the cross. 

Please keep everyone who was involved or affected in your prayers. Also, please keep the youth of my parish in prayer, too - I'm sure we are going to be having some discussions about this over the next few days, as it is very much on their hearts and minds. The problem of evil, and the need for hope and forgiveness and healing, are sure to come up... pray for openness.

Sleep Well

I'm currently listening to a beautiful talk by Fr. Thomas Richter entitled "Trust in the Lord." I'm only about halfway through, but I wanted to share (paraphrasing) a brief story that he told:

There once was a little four year old who couldn't sleep. He was so weighed down by the world - he wondered, how would I pay the bills? How would I pay the mortgage? How would I earn enough money to be able to eat - to provide for my family? The four year old tossed and turned, tossed and turned, and had only restless, uneasy sleep all night.

The next day, on the monkey bars at school, some of his friends noticed that he wasn't acting like himself. They asked him, "Johnny, what's the matter? You look kind of tired and worn out." He replied, "I couldn't sleep last night. I was worrying about how I would pay the mortgage... how I would provide for myself and for my family... how I would pay all the bills..." 

His friends looked at him, confused. One of them said, "Johnny, I don't worry about all that stuff. My daddy takes care of it for me."

Just as it is ridiculous for a four year old to worry about the mortgage, it is absurd for us to think that we are all alone in our struggles. We don't become more independent as we become holier, says Fr. Richter; we become more dependent, more childlike and trusting on our heavenly Father.

"If you had a magic wand, what would you get rid of in your life? That right there is the holiest place in your life - potentially - if you learn how to trust in the Lord, and let Him do what you can't." -Fr. Thomas Richter

We don't have to worry quite so much... our Daddy is taking care of us.

Everyday Deliberations

Just scattered thoughts today... some of which are relevant, some of which probably aren't:

First off, you really need to watch "Minor Revisions" this evening. Tonight is the first of three parts in this reality show following Jennifer Fulwiler, the author of the "Conversion Diary" blog. I'll let Brandon Vogt do all the explaining about why it will be awesome: http://brandonvogt.com/revisions/. You can watch it at 8pm Eastern time tonight at http://netny.net/watch-now/ (How fabulously convenient for those of us who don't have TV!).

Secondly, I've been thinking about the implications of texting on communication. I know, not really unique. But it dawns on me that I probably would talk to people less if I did not have texting. It's a nifty little tool when you don't really have time for a phone call, you know? Anyway. Not a particularly innovative or profound thought, but there it is.

And then we have the practical considerations of life. Things like, should I start parking my car in the front of my house, where there is sunlight? I'm awfully tired of scraping the ice of the windshield, and it's only mid-December. But will the others in my building harbor a grudge against me, just like I have against the SUV that also parks in front and blocks my view and makes me afraid for my safety every time I pull out of the driveway? Hmm. Deliberations.

In other news, can anyone tell me why my wireless internet is constantly cutting in and out? And when I say "in and out," I definitely mean more "out" than "in." It's like my router has decided, "Katie, you get two minutes of internet, and then fifteen of no internet. I'm sorry my dear, we're rationing. Offer it up for the troops! Join the war effort!" Just when I finally stopped being lazy and got around to ordering a new, not-broken charger cord for my laptop... maybe my network forgets what it's like to actually have a computer using it?

I have also resolved that if I one day would like to be married (either to a solely human man, or to Jesus), I need to change some habits, such as how often I clean my house. My smaller goal within this goal is to keep my sink relatively clean. Load the dishes into the dishwasher as I go, instead of letting them stack up in the sink until I run out of spoons. I also need to start mopping my kitchen floor more often - I did it a couple of days ago, and I like my apartment so much better like this! Not that I think marriage depends on clean spoons and kitchen floors, but it's the principle of the matter. Discipline! Good habits! Whip that free will into shape! Wha-bam! If I can't take care of myself and my place when I'm single, how will I ever do it when I'm more busy?? Shudder.

Unfortunately, related to my housecleaning goals, I have recently come to terms with the fact that I work best (or well, at least) under pressure. I've known for quite some time that I'm a procrastinator. Yet, I kept telling myself that I wish I had more time, so that I could try to get things done in advance. I am now just starting to admit that even when I have the time, I don't have the motivation. Extra time, for me, = yay! More extra things that I can do that aren't required! And more time for FUN! I have come to grips with the understanding that when my college work was done during an all-nighter simultaneously with 4 other papers/projects, all at the same time, it was mucho better than when I had plenty of time and only one assignment to get done. (I also did better in Honors class when I didn't do the readings, but that is another story for another time.)

This realization makes me feel like an irresponsible person... so I think I'm going to go back to my office and make myself feel productive now. Besides, I'm in the tiny window where my wireless is working... better publish this thing fast!

I Thirst

Today I had a realization, the answer to a question I’ve been asking for months, maybe even the past year and a half. Or at least part of an answer… you may not be impressed, but I don’t particularly care, because God is so good to me and he answers my prayers! On the other hand, maybe it will help you too.

If you’ve asked me about my spiritual life recently (again, maybe even within the last year and a half), I’ve probably mentioned that it’s dry. Like, that's the overarching, raincloud-over-my-head, depressing theme. This is to be somewhat expected, coming out of a fantastic place like Franciscan University. I mean, I go from three Masses a day to 7am only (and I am not a morning person)… from a tight-knit, passionately Catholic young adult community to a parish that is nice, but certainly not as passionate, and quite lacking in young adults… from being continuously formed and supported, to leading others, to being the one who does a lot of the forming and supporting... from a place that fosters holiness to a place where you have to put up much more of a fight. You get the idea. 

I’ve also blamed myself a lot for my spiritual state, and I’m sure there is a lot to that: to my own sins, failings, laziness, pride, lack of motivation, and more. I am always cut to the heart when I read these words:

“Moreover, you have endurance and have suffered for my name, and you have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: you have lost the love you had at first. Realize how far you have fallen.” –Revelation 2:3-5

Ouch. But it’s a good heart check, for sure. Jesus, keep me in love with you.

My realization of today builds upon this experience of dryness and struggle, plus another realization from the other day. I was looking through old journals, particularly those I’ve written since Franciscan, and I noticed something. As I read, it didn’t seem like I had a spiritually dry life at all! Of course there were ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. I had written down oodles and oodles of quotes from Scripture and the saints that God had used to speak to me; I thanked him over and over for the people in my life and the experiences he has given me; it was clear that he gave me just what I needed each day, when I needed it, as long as I slowed down long enough to recognize it! Yet, my overwhelming experience has been dryness. At that point, I was just confused. I also wondered if I was a whiny little brat, saying “God, you don’t talk to me!!” when clearly, he does. This could totally be true… but today, I got another answer.

Let's start with a basic spiritual premise: we all thirst for God! There’s the classic St. Augustine quote, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” Without God, we are not satisfied… we can never be satisfied without our Maker, our Lover (cue the “God-shaped hole in our hearts” explanation here). Without the one who gave us life, we have no life! So of course we feel dead without him. We thirst for him (the incredible thing is that he also thirsts for us – see John 19:28, as well as the reflections of Bl. Mother Teresa – but that is another story altogether). 

What I realized today goes something like this: without water, we thirst, and eventually, we die. But do we need to drink water more than once? Of course! Just because I have a drink of water yesterday doesn’t mean that I won’t be thirsty again today – that would be ridiculous! 

This is how it works with God, too. If I experience him yesterday, I still need him today! I don’t just want the memory of him, or knowledge about him… I want his presence now, too. Whenever I’m not close to God, I’m thirsty, to the point of pain (how clearly I can diagnose this pain, or how much I try to numb it away with other things, is a different story for another day). And whenever I am with him, I want to go deeper. We can never get enough of God.

And I think this is why I feel like my life, overall, has been so dry. Because if I’m not tasting the sweetness of God at this very moment, this exact second in time, I am thirsty for it. And we can’t always feel God – not in this life, anyway. 

How does this work with Jesus’ words to the Samaritan woman at the well, that “whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14)? To be honest, I don’t know. I think it may have something to do with being temporal beings. We haven't made it to eternity yet!

Maybe therein lies the key. Until that day of perfect bliss, of being totally united with Christ, I’m going to continue to feel the separation keenly. I want to see the face of God, but I can't yet! My spiritual life isn't a total wasteland, as I've thought; I'm just not in heaven yet.

St. John of the Cross, St. Therese of Lisieux, Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, pray for us.

“For I've been here before
But I know there's still more”

In Honor of Our Lady

A day late, but I can't pass up the opportunity to honor our beautiful Mama Mary!

This reminds me of a reflection from Fr. Andrew Dickinson, which he wrote a few months ago in honor of the Assumption: http://catholic-vision.blogspot.com/2012/08/assumption-of-mary-2012.html.

"Like Mary, let us learn to patiently receive and bring forth Jesus Christ. That is what the Church needs."

Redefining "Normal"

If you and I are friends, chances are we've talked about evangelization and/or catechesis and/or ministry and/or parish life before! To be quite honest, I can't go more than a day or two without talking, reading or thinking about it - which can sometimes include some complaining, letting go of my frustrations, and overall just banging my head against a wall. This is sometimes accompanied by shouts of "Let's throw a wrecking ball into the current structures!!!! Subvert the dominant paradigm!!!!!" That part in particular is a lot of fun, and it gets my frustration out (yes, I am a dork. A dorky, Catholic, dorky, catechetical, dorky, theological, dorky dorky dorky dork). Such rants are also sometimes followed by Confession, so that I can throw a wrecking ball into my pride instead (Father, I started thinking that I know how EVERYTHING should be done in the Church again... crap. Mea culpa). 

My current food for thought is called Forming Intentional Disciples by Sherry Weddell. I've been highlighting up a storm! However, there is one overarching concept in the book that I am very much struck by:

WE ARE NOT NORMAL.

We aren't! In the sense of what a Catholic community should be, the majority of parishes in 'Murica are simply not what they should be. What are we talking about here? Sherry's statement really packed a punch for me:

"A Church that understands itself as possessing the 'fullness of the means of grace' must yearn for the fullness of the manifestation of that grace."

In other words, what do we expect? My pastor is really big on the idea of expectations: getting across to parishioners what we require of them, and not being soft about said requirements. While that initially rubbed me wrong, I eventually realized that this isn't being inflexible - this is calling on God's people to a higher standard! Herein lies the crux: do we expect Jesus to change lives? Do we realize that the treasures we have in the Church can actually bear fruit? If we did, I think that we would approach everything differently.

As Catholic parishes, what is our job? I would say that it is to evangelize our communities, and to form those who are being evangelized (probably written down in more awesome words by a Pope or two somewhere). Yet, according to Weddell's book, "Asked whether spreading the faith was a high priority of their parishes, 75 percent of conservative Protestant congregations and 57 percent of African-American congregations responded affirmatively, whereas only 6 percent of Catholic parishes did the same."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! (About to start head-banging rant... pulling back to constructive thinking...)

Here's the thing, Sherry says. Catholics don't talk about their faith (shocker)! They don't talk about their conversion experiences, they don't talk about their personal relationship with Jesus - often, they don't even know that they can have this relationship in the first place! However, to quote a famous Catholic guy:  

"But how can they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how can they believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone to preach?" (Romans 10:14).

To paraphrase: how the heck is anyone supposed to learn how to follow Christ, if no one around them is following Christ, living our their baptismal call to be a priest, prophet and king??

Yeah, I just went there.

It was a huge eye-opener for me in college when I learned that "The Church exists in order to evangelize" (Evangelii Nuntiandi). Did you catch that? Exists in order to evangelize... as in, the whole purpose of the Catholic Church is to bring people to Jesus. It's not to do good works, although that is essential. It's not to run a bunch of programs, although we do need structures. It's not to keep the teenagers busy, so they don't get into trouble somewhere else (sorry, had to throw that one in there!). The purpose of the Church is to evangelize - to preach the Good News of salvation! If we're not spreading the faith, what are we doing?

As Sherry says, "Widespread neglect of the interior journey of discipleship has unintentionally fostered an immense chasm between what the Church teaches is normal and what many Catholics in the pews have learned to regard as normal. Many lifelong Catholics have never seen personal discipleship lived overtly or talked about in an explicit manner in their family or parish. It is difficult to believe in and live something that you have never heard anyone else talk about or seen anyone else live. It is also very difficult to openly hold a minority opinion or speak of a minority experience in the midst of a group that does not understand."

What if this describes our parishes, the very places where Catholics should be able to find people that understand their passion for Jesus Christ? It is a tragedy if a faithful Catholic, striving to be a saint, is the minority among their parish - or worse, even among the parish leadership.

Every person is supposed to be a disciple, not just those who are "really into that stuff" or "too religious." As Weddell says, many people think there exist "two basic spiritual 'tracks': 'ordinary Catholic' and 'saint.'" I read that and I thought, YES! So many people do think that way. I want to follow Jesus... but I don't want to do that one thing that makes me uncomfortable. I want to go to heaven... but I don't want the Church to tell me what to do in my personal life. I like belonging to St. So-and-So Parish, but I'm not like those crazy people who are really into it. I just want to be a nice person, and going to church makes me feel like I'm doing good things. Etc. etc. etc.

I think we need to spread the concept that being Catholic = trying to be a saint! Following Jesus Christ = striving for holiness, and sometimes being a little weird in the world's eyes! You can't go half-way... it's all or nothin'. We allow for weaknesses, of course; but the point is to be striving.

In our own parishes, we need to create a culture where this is "normal." Church should be a place where it is safe to be totally sold out for Christ, a place where we can go when we're weary from the world's nagging and teasing and criticism. How to create this culture is a constant discussion, and the task belongs to the creativity and insights of Catholics everywhere... but it needs to happen.

Sherry talks about how in the early 90's, she and some friends got together and decided to come up with a support group for lay Catholics. They drew up a mission statement, which included this excerpt:


Our Values
It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to have a living, growing love relationship with God.
It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to be knowledgeable about their faith, the Scriptures, the doctrinal and moral teachings of the Church, and the history of the Church.
It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to know what their charisms of service are and to be using them effectively in the fulfillment of their vocation or call in life.
It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to know that they have a vocation/mission in life (primarily in the secular world) given to them by God. It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to be actively engaged in discerning and living this vocation.
It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to have the fellowship of other committed lay Catholics available to them, to encourage, nurture, and discern as they attempt to follow Jesus.
It is NORMAL for the local parish to function consciously as a house of formation for lay Catholics, which enables and empowers lay Catholics to do #1-6 above.


It seems like we need to redefine "normal," eh?

All I Want for Christmas...

So yesterday, I was listening to this, and yeah... I probably played and replayed it about 50 times:

(I don't even like this song, usually, but I love this group! They're Christian, but they also do secular covers... I recommend!).

However, on probably the 17th time through or so, I started thinking about the words I was listening to. "All" I want for Christmas is you. I don't need "a lot" for Christmas. I won't ask for "much" this Christmas.

Huge caveat here: I'm sure that this was not how the song was meant to be taken, so straw man, maybe? But disregarding the person is such a prevalent offense that I think this is relevant anyway.

We are each a gift, yes! Take a second to celebrate that... eat some ice cream, hug your mom, do a dance in your living room. Yay! You are a gift, and your best friend is a gift, and that person you really don't like is also a gift (sorry, can't get off the hook with that one). As it says in Gaudium et Spes, "Man finds himself only by making himself a sincere gift to others." Let's put it this way: are you happier when living only for yourself, following every whim and desire - or are you happier when you live for others? When you serve? Anyone who has ever volunteered, gone on a mission trip or raised a child would say the latter. 

Okay, so we are meant to give ourselves. But what kind of gift? 

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." -C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

If a man or woman were to ask for you for Christmas, that would be the most amazing, incredible, intense gift that he or she could possibly receive (besides God himself, of course). Mind-blowing, really. 

Unless you're getting down on one knee with a ring (or unless this has already taken place, plus a couple "I do's"), I would be pretty hesitant about asking for a PERSON for Christmas. This isn't a gift to be given or received casually - people aren't toys that get boring, or gadgets that go out of date when the newest technology comes out. You can't throw them away or replace them. 

Don't ask for someone for Christmas, or give yourself away, unless you really mean it. And then, give radically, sacrificially... don't hold back. 

How to Spot a Temperament in Everyday Life

I remember one of my professors, Dr. Miravalle, talking about how he can easily tell the different temperaments of each of his students (for a review of the temperaments, check out https://www.catholicmatch.com/blog/temperaments/). I can't remember his hilarious examples (maybe someone can help me out?), but I thought I'd try my own hand. Don't take any offense... I write these all in fun, and at my own expense as well! Here you go:


Listening to Music:

Sanguine: DANCE PARTY!!!!!!!!! oMg I luV thiS soNg!!!!!
Melancholic: This song speaks to me... I will retreat deeply within myself and ponder the broad scope of my problems caused by my own humanity.
Choleric: This song is [fill in a descriptive word here]. I have judged it, and no one had better disagree with me, because I am RIGHT.
Phlegmatic: Whatever you guys think!


Actions at a Party:

Sanguine: *dances on tables*
Melancholic: *on his/her third trip to hide in the bathroom*
Choleric: *putting on the coffee, taking out the trash and restocking the drinks... why hasn't the hostess done this yet? And why is nobody helping me??*
Phlegmatic: *whatever his/her friends are doing*


At Work:

Sanguine: *pops head out of cubicle* I'm lonelyyyyyyyyyy!
Melancholic: Leave me alone, I'm doing fine.
Choleric: I am furiously doing my work, and yours too! Perfectly! Efficiently!
Phlegmatic: Hey so-and-so, what do you think about [insert minute, unimportant decision here]?


At Prayer:

Sanguine: So God, today I went on a bike ride, and I saw this three-legged bunny rabbit, so I called up my BFF and I told her that... *blabs on*
Melancholic: God, this is what I think, but no one cares. *Insert deep feelings here*
Choleric: God, you HAVE to do this RIGHT NOW! Seriously, what are You thinking?!?!
Phlegmatic: God, I can't decide if I should pray a rosary or read Scripture or journal... what do You think? *starts one, then switches to the next, then gets sidetracked and starts daydreaming, then realizes what he/she is doing and feels bad, and apologizes profusely, and feels guilty the rest of the day*


Theme Song:

Sanguine: Party Rock Anthem!
Melancholic: Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head
Choleric: I'll Make a Man out of You
Phlegmatic: Don't Worry, Be Happy


Write your own and share... I'd love to hear more!

In Ministry, or Life in General...

...sometimes, this hits us:

For me, there are days where nothing really triggers it. Life is going along fine, and SMACK... I'm hit with a sense of my own unworthiness, and God's amazing love and mercy and I-don't-even-know-what that allows me, somehow, to work for Him. 

I don't think this is bad. I really, really am nervous about being a hypocrite, a Pharisee, someone with a millstone tied around my neck and thrown into the sea. Moments like this remind me that, if I let him, God's grace will keep me from this. He'll surround me with a sea of unfathomable mercy, if I keep having these moments of weakness. Because his power is perfect in my weakness. 

Lord, if I'm going to help others know and love you, help me love and know you.

Happy December!

The last month of the year is upon us! Cue the obligatory gasps of "I can't believe it's already [insert month here]!"

In a couple of weeks, everyone will start thinking of their New Year's resolutions. But let's think about it... is that really the most effective method of getting things done? I once had a good conversation with our last associate pastor about this. He said that if you really want to make progress, you can't just assess your goals once a year. If your boss only sits down with you to evaluate annually, it won't really help you to do your job better. More likely, you'll just feel bad about the mistakes you made 5 months ago that can't be fixed anymore, and you'll get excited and make a lot of grand goals for the upcoming year... which will last for about 2 weeks, because you have no follow-up or accountability.

I've decided that I'm going to bring this nugget of wisdom into my personal life as well. And so I give you: my life goals for the month of December! Please feel free to hold me accountable for them:

1) Practice barre chords every day; get good at them!
2) Read "Murder on the Orient Express" (a dear friend gave it to me a while back, and I still haven't gotten to it).
3) Clean my house thoroughly.
4) Make a Christmasy, crafty sort of surprise (I won't tell what it is or who it's for!).
6) Reply to the letters that I've been sent and return phone calls that I haven't (sorry friends!).
7) Make 3 new recipes from Pinterest (instead of just finding them and never actually making them)!
8) Pray (from the heart) every day.

What are your hopes and plans this month?

Blood Donation

(Before I begin my regular post, I'd just like to thank a former classmate who featured me in her own blog today! I'm so humbled and grateful. Please take some time to explore her fabulous, more established blog - I especially love the recent one about Our Lady, Untier of Knots! The post can be found here: http://trenchcoatintrospective.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/featured-blog-of-the-week-diary-of-a-passionate-phlegmatic/)
 
 
I'm not going to lie... I really, really do not like donating blood. They can never find my vein right away and the needle is so thick and scary (why does the doctor's office use a butterfly needle on me, but the Red Cross uses the gigundo one??). Plus, the last time I was there, I fainted. I woke up to a fan blowing on my face and a nurse saying, "Katherine, Katherine?" This confused an already confusing situation - if you've ever fainted, you understand the disorientation that takes place when you wake up - because no one ever calls me by my full name.

It could have been worse. Apparently if you faint while giving blood, the needle can come out and spurt blood everywhere, and/or you can pee your pants... at least neither of those happened!

But every so often, I feel obligated to do this simple thing to help out humanity. So yesterday, I dutifully kept my appointment (sometimes I "forget").

It was a long, long wait. But as I finally lay in the chair/stretcher type thing, I looked across at my arm. And all I could see in my mind was this:

Suddenly, the needle in my vein seemed tiny, compared to the thick nail in his wrist.

The whole process I went through was sterilized, safe and ordinary; when he fell carrying the cross, dirt and rocks got in his cuts.

When I looked down at my arm, I saw that yellowish color from the iodine; when he looked down his arm, he saw the cuts in his flesh from the scourging.

I didn't feel anything except a little pain when they put the needle in and pulled it out at the end; he agonized on the cross for three hours.

I sipped Sprite with my free hand to keep myself from feeling dizzy. He said, "I thirst," and they gave him vinegar.

I came out with a bandage wrapped around my arm and went on with my day; he was wrapped in cloth and placed in a tomb.

My blood potentially saved three lives. His saved the world.

To Be, or Not To Be (Yourself).

So I found this on the interwebs today:

Gotta love a good Papa Benny quote! But I started thinking... gosh, that's a lot to ask! It's like saying, be happy... but not so much that you're obnoxious! Do your homework... but don't mess up! I'd like an order of french fries... but only the long ones, no little stubby ones please!

And so I wonder, how the heck am I supposed to do that without sticking my fingers in the hot grease and getting burned, hmm? (It's a metaphor, just go with it.)

At any rate, even though I was slightly confused about how to apply this to my life, I was highly inspired. Then I remembered of one of my favorite quotes from St. Paul:

"Although I am free in regard to all, I have made myself a slave to all so as to win over as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew to win over Jews; to those under the law I became like one under the law—though I myself am not under the law—to win over those under the law. To those outside the law I became like one outside the law—though I am not outside God’s law but within the law of Christ—to win over those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, to win over the weak. I have become all things to all, to save at least some. All this I do for the sake of the gospel, so that I too may have a share in it" -1 Corinthians 9:19-23

This happens to be one of my life goals - as a youth minister, of course, but also as a Catholic woman trying to participate daily in the New Evangelization.

It has boggled my mind before... how am I supposed to be "all things to all"? Certainly, I don't want to become a teenager. I like being a young adult! I'm a whole lot more confident, a whole lot less angsty, and God has done a lot of work with me since I was in my teens. I don't actually want to be a teen.

And in terms of the temperaments, I really don't want to be choleric, either. I admire their leadership and their drive, but I also know they are prone to walk all over people if they're not careful. Yeah, that's just not me...

Likewise, I don't want to be a man. I don't feel like I have to elaborate on this... I like being a woman perfectly fine, thank you, and the very idea of not being feminine is just weird.

So what does "all things to all" really mean, then?

Because I really want the lost to get found, kinda like this...

...and I think that St. Paul is on to something (I mean, it's in the Bible, so he must be).

As I mulled over this, I went back to the Pope Benedict quote in the meme above, particularly the last line: "Enter into dialogue with everyone, but remain yourselves."

Ohhhhhhhh.

The classic Catholic "both-and." Which happens to be related to Aristotle's "golden mean," I think. Basically, don't go to one extreme or the other. That's how heresies start... e.g., Jesus is BOTH God AND man. If you get rid of one or the other: oops. Heresy!

So anyway, youth ministry as an example. We love teens where they're at, walk with them, step inside their world, try to bring the Gospel to them through inculturation, etc., but we don't act like them or go back to being a teenager ourselves. We are a much better witness if we don't pretend to be someone else... but we can't stay in our own little worlds, either. If I avoided teens like the plague, I'd be an awful youth minister.

Both-and. Golden mean.

In Blessed Mother Teresa's case, she and her sisters embraced the poverty of those around them. They kept being amazing, authentic Catholic religious (they didn't venture into Hinduism to "relate"), but they weren't afraid to walk side by side with those around them. Both-and. Not snubbing people, but not compromising their faith either: golden mean.

Both balanced and radical. Bam.

(Has anyone else noticed that if you say "bam," after a statement, it just gives it that extra oomph?)

So basically, I'm allowed to be a phlegmatic, feminine youth minister and young adult. And you are also allowed to be who God created you to be (gosh, it took me a lot of words to get to this simple conclusion, didn't it?).

Yet we also have to "enter into dialogue with everyone" and be "all things to all." I still don't have this all figured out. But I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited to see all of us learn how to live this tension, win the world for Christ, and become saints!

Bam.

Beauty and the "Being Incomprehensible to Himself"

My aunt and uncle recently took my family to see a theatrical production of "Beauty and the Beast" in Cleveland. I love theater, especially musical theater; I also love my family, so I had a ball! My family used to call me "Belle" all the time, due to my tendency to walk around the house with a book. I never did run into anything, like my parents thought I would...

Like the typical movie-turned-musical, or vice-versa, the musical theater version of "Beauty and the Beast" has songs that are not in the movie. For instance, this little gem popped up on my iPod today:

As I munched on my breakfast, I pondered this song, and the musical as a whole. When I saw it a few weeks ago, I flippantly asked my sister, "Why does the Beast have to be loved in return? Not fair, that's not his fault if she doesn't!" But today, it dawned on me: I'm looking at this as a cold, scientific equation. Beast loves Belle + Belle loves Beast = happy day for Beast and servants! (This is odd, because I am not the scientific/mathematical type... but anyway.)

But it's not about an equation - it's about the transformational power of love. Bam.

Although I'm sure I knew this on some level, it was kind of a revelation to me. The Beast truly is beastly, inside and out, because he does not know how to love and be loved. As he learns to love Belle, and as she loves him back, something amazing happens in his heart, which is then reflected in his exterior appearance as the spell is finally broken (as I contemplate it now, it's kind of sacramental. But I won't get into that now... anyway...).

Shocker: Blessed John Paul II totally breaks this down. Something like this:

"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it." (Redemptor Hominis 10)

The Beast is so beastly because he is lacking the main thing that humanizes us, the image of God Himself: love. And this appears to be a two-way street. Like JPII says, there's something about having love "revealed" to us, about the "encounter," that we need if we are to be truly human. Otherwise, he is "a being that is incomprehensible for himself" - a beast. But notice that JPII describes love in reciprocal terms. You can't reveal something to yourself, or encounter your own love - you need a person who loves you.

Of course the Beast cannot force Belle to love him. But how can he "participate intimately" in love, unless there is someone to participate with?

And if there isn't, he will remain forever [cue dramatic voice]... a Beast. A being whose "life is senseless"... until Belle comes along and gives him the opportunity for a total transformation of heart! Ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm getting goosebumps!

Caveats on this whole thing (I'm a catechist, so I have to throw these out there): of course as Catholics, we don't believe that we need to find human romance in order to fill the void in our hearts - we can only be fully satisfied by God. Yet, we are made for communion with each other, and self-sacrificial love. But we also believe in priestly and religious vocations, which incorporate this need in a different way! Also, neither I or JPII are nixing "love your enemies" - we love people who don't love us back, but we do have a real human need to be loved back by someone.

At any rate, I'm really enjoying reflecting on this - it's all still a little foggy in my head, though, so I'd love to hear your ideas, too! Why does Belle have to love the Beast in return... do you have a deeper insight (or any other thoughts about "Beauty and the Beast," or fairy tales, or the transformational power of love)? Am I looking too deeply into this? Somehow, I don't think G.K. Chesterton would think so, according to this essay he wrote (I love it, particularly about the "arbitrary" fairy tale rules... and I think he may have some insights for my questions, what do you think?): http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/introduction/gkchesterton.html

"No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore, if I can't love her
No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free
But it's not to be
If I can't love her
Let the world be done with me."

And oh, side note: in the musical version, the servants-turned-household-items discuss why it was indeed fair for them to be changed from into non-humans as well. They decide that they were partially responsible for allowing their Master to be such a selfish brat, essentially enabling him. I was intrigued - I had never thought about that before!

The One in Which I Explain Myself

Hello, blogosphere! I'm joining the party. 

This one time, my brother and I had a conversation that went like this:

Mike: What are we going to do tonight?
Me: I don't know.
Mike: We can't do EVERYTHING!

This phrase has become a legendary joke in my family, but there's some truth in it. Yes, I'll submit that I can be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and most recently, Instagram. But I refuse to Google+, Foursquare or Snapchat. I can't do EVERYTHING.

Even so, I've decided to blog. I've dabbled in it before, in a group effort to protect our country's religious freedom (you can check out our work at theamericanremnant.com). I've never written my own personal blog, but here we go!

Soooooo, let's talk about my strange, potentially-cheesy-because-it's-alliterated title. To me, "phlegmatic" sounds like I've got a disease, like I'm coughing up phlegm. The medical revelations I have from my nursing major friend are definitely a topic for another time. But actually, phlegmatic is one of the four classical temperaments. I refer you to this handy resource, which explains the bizzare names (it turns out phlegmatic does have something to do with phlegm after all!), and I encourage you to discover your own temperament: http://www.catholicmatch.com/blog/temperaments/

At any rate, I am phlegmatic: the chillaxed one. The "go-with-the-flow" type. When I say "I don't care, you decide," I (almost always) mean it. I tend to procrastinate, but on the plus side, I'm easy-going and good at keeping the peace. That's my temperament - "an individual’s tendency to react in a certain way throughout their life, forming an identifiable pattern," as the previously cited website states. Apparently I'm also about 10% sanguine (i.e., the happy people person), but that means I'm still 90% easy-going slowpoke.

On the other hand, I'm in good company: Blessed Pope John XXIII was also a phlegmatic! In his Journal of a Soul, he wrote: “Above all I am grateful to the Lord for the temperament he has given me, which preserves me from anxieties and tiresome perplexities… I have noticed that this disposition, in great things and in small, gives me, unworthy as I am, a strength of daring simplicity…”

Hmm... the Vatican II catalyst was a phlegmatic. I'm liking this!

Perhaps this also helps me to reconcile the fact that, although I'm phlegmatic, I'm intensely passionate about Catholicism, particularly about pro-life issues. I also have a dream of helping to reform youth ministry to make it more effective... partly due to pride, I've recently learned (ouch), but partly due to being captivated by the movement of the Holy Spirit in the Church. As a friend told me recently, wherever God is moving, that's where I want to be!

I guess it all boils down to this: as long as we get to hang out together, I don't care what we do or where we go out to eat. But I will fight 'til the death to protect religious freedom, the dignity of every human person, and for all people to know Jesus Christ.

**Edit: I would love to hear about your temperament/secondary temperament, if you've discovered it, and what kinds of realizations you've come to about yourself through this process!