In case you didn't know it, I was homeschooled for most of my life. And of course, what is the #1 concern of the general population about homeschoolers? It's the "S" word... "socialization."
OOOOOOOH. The big one! And here we go... "Did you have friends? It's so weird that you were homeschooled... you seem so 'normal'! Did you ever get out of the house?" When people raise these questions to me today, I usually give them a litany of activities I participated in with kids my age: Girl Scouts, 4-H, church choir, homeschool co-op, PSR classes (that's the evening religion class for kiddos who don't go to Catholic school), etc. etc. etc. In fact, I can even tell you my schedule from those good ol' days: Monday was 4-H, Tuesday was choir, Wednesday was PSR, and Thursday was co-op and Girl Scouts (I think). There was even a period of time where I was part of a group of homeschoolers who went roller skating at the local week every week during the day (Friday, maybe?). How cool is that? Seriously! While you were in school, we were roller skating with our friends. Bam. (Just chalk it up as phys. ed class... when you're homeschooled, you can do that.) Now, by the time I was about halfway through high school, I decided these activities weren't enough, and headed off to "regular school." (It was my angsty teenage "I want to be with my friends all the time and ditch my family" phase.) That's a story in itself - but in case you were wondering: yes, I made friends and did just fine in my classes.
The other day, I was thinking about different phases in my life, trying to remember what each one felt like. How did I see the world at that point? Etc. And of course I came to my childhood homeschooling phase, particularly right around when I was in middle school.
I'll tell you a secret. But shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you really aren't allowed to tell. It would topple the nicely created edifice that I have worked so hard to build all these years. It would destroy the happy mask that I've paper-mached in a desperate effort to get you all to stop judging my homeschooling background. So shhhhhhh... don't give me away.
There was a time in my homeschooling childhood when I did not feel like I was properly "socialized" (although I would not have expressed it in that way). There was a time when I would sit at home, reading oodles and oodles of books, playing with my little siblings, cooking dinner with my mom, and think about the next time I would see my friends. Would so-and-so make it to choir on Tuesday night? Gosh, I really hoped so. If not, I wouldn't see her for two weeks! Would I have a sleepover with my best friend this weekend? Or would she invite somebody else over? I would wonder. I hoped that the two girls I admired would be at 4-H this week, and wondered if maybe they thought the same way about me. Probably not, I thought... and I thought, and I thought, and I thought. Gosh, it was four days until roller skating! And four days was simply an eternity.
I don't think that this was entirely due to my homeschooling background - it was probably, partly, just being a kid. I'm sure that you looked forward to sleepovers and hoped that you were liked, right? Right?? (Just say yes, and make me feel okay about myself.) However, I think there's something deeper here, too.
When I was homeschooled, I really valued the time that I spent with people. Seeing someone for an hour on Friday warranted several days' worth of daydreaming. Then, once I left, I revelled in the memories for another hour or two (or agonized over whether I said the wrong thing, as the case may be).
Fast forward to today. A few weeks ago, I saw some lovely people on a Saturday morning. I came home, did some housework and maybe watched a movie... but I felt unsatisfied. Why wasn't I going out tonight?? How lame was I, that I had no plans on a weekend night?? Angst, unsatisfaction, a conglomeration of frustrating feelings.
But wait... wasn't I just blessed by the presence of others that morning... earlier that same day?
As something becomes more common in your life, it's possible that it becomes more of a commodity and less of a treasure. When I was homeschooled, every chance to see a friend - or a potential friend - was awesome! Now, there are more people who are a part of my everyday life.
There's a trade-off there: today I'm much more confident and outgoing than I used to be. I also think that there's something to be said when an exciting, surprising friendship transitions into a calm, quiet, everyday life kind of friendship. But do I still value every interaction that I have with others? Or do I take the people in my life for granted?
In this year and a half after my college graduation, I've wished and prayed that some of my friends from school would live near me (and I've cried, since they don't). If I would have a chance this week to see a friend from California, or Colorado, or Chicago, I would be psyched!!! <-- multiple exclamation points to show excitement. (Actually, I'm going to catch up with some friends over the next few days, and I am indeed psyched!)
But why do I have to wait until I'm miles away from someone to value their presence so much? Why not start right now - with the people I work with, the people I see on a daily or weekly basis? Am I so busy that I don't take any time to think about this?
"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and privacy: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." -C.S. Lewis
A vague concept of "socialization" shouldn't be the ideal. More people, more noise, more unchecked busyness isn't the goal. As Lewis says, we need to temper it with solitude and silence. Which I had plenty of when I was homeschooled... back when I placed more of a value on my time with others. Looking back, not such a bad time in my life, eh?
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Side note: if you've never seen this little gem, check it out. Great for all of your homeschooling myth debunking needs!
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