"Don't Mess Up"

Ever since catechetics classes in college (CCC - pun totally intended), I've been intrigued by the idea of "the question behind the question." For instance, when someone asks, "Why can't women become priests?" they may actually be asking, "Why does the Catholic Church think I have less brains then men?" When you hear "Why won't the Church allow same-sex marriage?" the real question might be, "Why would you think God hates my best friend/brother/mom?" Etc., etc., etc. It's always a good idea to not just pay attention to the words you hear, but think about what might be motivating those words. Don't just address the question at face value; go deeper, and address the heart of the matter at hand. #goodpastoralprinciples #catecheticsforthewin

I've recently been thinking about this idea of a deeper meaning behind our words. I work in a church office, which is... uh... interesting! Amazing, fantastic, a blessing... but I will be the first to say, we are quite normal, with our own personal sins and flaws. One of those awful realities that we fall into in the Church, as sinners, is *drumroll for the awfulness*... gossip.

"Why didn't so-and-so understand that she had to ___ (jump through x, y, and z hoop)? Now she ____ (sin worthy of the Antichrist)!"

"So-and-so forgot to ____ (task so dumb that a dog could do it)! I asked her if she knew what she was doing, and she said she did, so I just believed her... then we all had to cover for her!"

"I can't believe they were late with their paperwork AGAIN! No one ever looks at the deadlines, no matter how many times I remind them."

Believe me, I'm guilty of this sort of complaining myself. But I've been thinking recently... what do these complaining, gossipy statements actually saying? What's the message behind the message?

"If you mess up, everyone will hear about it and complain about you behind your back. So don't mess up."

"If you're not perfect, we don't want to deal with you."

"My deadline is the most important thing in your life... why can't you see that?"

I'm not advocating that we encourage bad habits and irresponsibility, or that we can't stick to the rules when need be, or that we have to become human doormats. That's swinging over to the other extreme. But in a Church based on the mercy and redemption coming from Jesus Christ, what are we actually communicating to others? On a basic human level, if we're afraid of the judgment of our brothers and sisters in Christ, how much trust can we really have in each other? How much of a real relationship is actually possible? Do we have each others' backs, or do we lash out behind their backs?

I'll be honest... I started coming to this conclusion in the moments when I'm the one who messed up. I realize the value of being gracious to people, mostly because I'm in need of grace. And it's gone both ways for me... the vast majority of the time, I'm given way more generosity and leniency than I deserve. On the other hand, there are those times I've heard whispers in the halls (and loud declarations, as well!), and it makes me more conscious of my own speech. Would I always be okay with people overhearing my conversations? Do I really need to emphasize another person's mistake, so that everyone realizes that "they" did it, and that I'm perfectly innocent, responsible, and that I have my act together? (Because let's just get real... anyone who's been in my office and seen my desk knows that I don't have it all together!) Would it really be that hard to move on without making that snide comment, rolling my eyes, or otherwise drawing attention to another person's flaws? What if I spread grace, joy and peace wherever I went, instead? I'm guessing that's what Our Lady did!

I've seen people get disheartened over the fact that the Church is made up of sinners, and I'm not trying to do that here. Instead, I just want to encourage you all that when it comes to fallen humanity, there is hope (hey-o, Advent)! Things don't have to be like they are. Christ came to redeem every part of us, including our relationships. Today, let's allow him to do that.

Everyday Deliberations

Just scattered thoughts today... some of which are relevant, some of which probably aren't:

First off, you really need to watch "Minor Revisions" this evening. Tonight is the first of three parts in this reality show following Jennifer Fulwiler, the author of the "Conversion Diary" blog. I'll let Brandon Vogt do all the explaining about why it will be awesome: http://brandonvogt.com/revisions/. You can watch it at 8pm Eastern time tonight at http://netny.net/watch-now/ (How fabulously convenient for those of us who don't have TV!).

Secondly, I've been thinking about the implications of texting on communication. I know, not really unique. But it dawns on me that I probably would talk to people less if I did not have texting. It's a nifty little tool when you don't really have time for a phone call, you know? Anyway. Not a particularly innovative or profound thought, but there it is.

And then we have the practical considerations of life. Things like, should I start parking my car in the front of my house, where there is sunlight? I'm awfully tired of scraping the ice of the windshield, and it's only mid-December. But will the others in my building harbor a grudge against me, just like I have against the SUV that also parks in front and blocks my view and makes me afraid for my safety every time I pull out of the driveway? Hmm. Deliberations.

In other news, can anyone tell me why my wireless internet is constantly cutting in and out? And when I say "in and out," I definitely mean more "out" than "in." It's like my router has decided, "Katie, you get two minutes of internet, and then fifteen of no internet. I'm sorry my dear, we're rationing. Offer it up for the troops! Join the war effort!" Just when I finally stopped being lazy and got around to ordering a new, not-broken charger cord for my laptop... maybe my network forgets what it's like to actually have a computer using it?

I have also resolved that if I one day would like to be married (either to a solely human man, or to Jesus), I need to change some habits, such as how often I clean my house. My smaller goal within this goal is to keep my sink relatively clean. Load the dishes into the dishwasher as I go, instead of letting them stack up in the sink until I run out of spoons. I also need to start mopping my kitchen floor more often - I did it a couple of days ago, and I like my apartment so much better like this! Not that I think marriage depends on clean spoons and kitchen floors, but it's the principle of the matter. Discipline! Good habits! Whip that free will into shape! Wha-bam! If I can't take care of myself and my place when I'm single, how will I ever do it when I'm more busy?? Shudder.

Unfortunately, related to my housecleaning goals, I have recently come to terms with the fact that I work best (or well, at least) under pressure. I've known for quite some time that I'm a procrastinator. Yet, I kept telling myself that I wish I had more time, so that I could try to get things done in advance. I am now just starting to admit that even when I have the time, I don't have the motivation. Extra time, for me, = yay! More extra things that I can do that aren't required! And more time for FUN! I have come to grips with the understanding that when my college work was done during an all-nighter simultaneously with 4 other papers/projects, all at the same time, it was mucho better than when I had plenty of time and only one assignment to get done. (I also did better in Honors class when I didn't do the readings, but that is another story for another time.)

This realization makes me feel like an irresponsible person... so I think I'm going to go back to my office and make myself feel productive now. Besides, I'm in the tiny window where my wireless is working... better publish this thing fast!