The "Waste" of Love

I love to read! Unfortunately, I have this problem: I keep beginning books, reading them partway, and never finishing them! One girl in our youth ministry program has taken it upon herself to hold me accountable and rid me of this tendency (which really is so amusing and endearing to me!). However, she might as well give up, because once you get into the range of "reading" 15+ books at the same time, there is probably no return. (On the other hand, no one is a lost cause in Christ, so perhaps there is hope for me still.)

Yet obviously I'm not actually reading them all simultaneously (although that would be a funny sight!). I'm just reading halves and quarters and three-quarters of various books, then getting distracted by other books. At the moment though, I'm quite proud of myself! I'm focusing on two books right now, and the payoff has been enormous. They're rocking my socks - actually, they're rocking my soul.

The first is the Fr. Michael Gaitley book on the Trinity that I keep referencing. The other one is about my favorite saint of all time:

Reading this one has been a long time coming - basically, since I found out that it was published (as I say this, though, I'm consulting the front of the book. It says copyright 2012... it must just feel like a long time, when there's a book out there about your favorite saint from one of your favorite writers that you haven't read yet!).

Sometimes, I can get to the point of thinking that no one is going to have a fresh insight on Therese; since everyone seems to love her and relate to her so much, there are a plethora of books on her. Then you've got to sift through the authors who really do know her life, her spirituality, her writings, etc., versus the people who think they get her, but totally miss the mark (it usually comes in the form of trying to push their own agendas onto her, such as, "she had a repressed desire to be a priest - oh what a sexist, sexist Church!"). However, I knew that it would be different with Sheen! So when I saw a paperback version in the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception bookstore in D.C. a couple of weeks ago, I had to snatch it up! My entire "justification" for buying it is that I've only seen it in hardcover so far, which is more expensive (just roll with it...).

As a total and complete side note, you know that you have a fabulous spiritual friend when you both go into said bookstore, buy 4-5 books each, can't wait to show each other... and 3 of them are the exact same books. Two of which, of course, are this St. Therese book and the Fr. Gaitley book (and the third being a Scriptural rosary book). Win!

At any rate, back to business! The way that Fulton Sheen puts things - anything, really - is so wonderful and good for my soul! That's an understatement, really (if you need convincing, I can refer you to a Sheen-loving friend of mine). And with this book, it's no different. You really should just read it for yourself; but just for fun, here are a couple of things he said that particularly spoke to me during my holy hour tonight:

"After all, the reason we are tired in body is because we are already tired in mind. We have no love. The fires have gone out. We are cinders, burnt out cinders floating in the immensity of space and time. And here is a young girl. It is almost as if she is locked up in a gilded cage, absolutely straining at the leash in order to become a missionary. Why? Simply because she loved!"

Also:

"You'll fall in love. Then you'll discipline yourself. Then you'll be full of zeal. Then when the Lord's work is to be done, you'll do it. And when we're not in love, we're tired, and we're exhausted. Because she was full of love, the particular action that appealed to her was that of the soldier and the missionary. This is the new vision of sanctity. It needs to be revived in our day."

How true!! I think about the times that I am most exhausted - in a negative sense, the sense of being burned out - and I realize how little I am praying, how little I am loving! On the other hand, we have the saints. They spend themselves totally for God's sake, pour themselves out for Him - yet they want more!

"You read this book to receive strength, but then when you have received it, you'll have to spend it. As you waste your life, then you'll become richer and richer in the Kingdom of God."

Which reminds me... less than one week until Lent! It's a good time to start thinking and praying about what God wants you to do during this time, if you haven't already (personally, I'm a slacker/procrastinator, so I can always use a reminder, myself!).

At any rate, I hear St. Therese and Fulton Sheen calling to me: pray! "Waste" your time with Jesus, and you won't feel so exhausted. And spend yourself in service to others. "Waste" your time on them, for no reason other than love!

The antidote to burning out? It's the beautiful "waste" of love.